JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was exhausted last night from yoga and the ten minutes I walked on that walking machine. I just went to bed, nice and very early for me. This exercise must be doing something. On July 1, I could barely walk 90 seconds before I was huffing and puffing. Last night and tonight, it was over 3 minutes before I started hurting. Last night, I felt good when I got off. Tonight, I didn't finish because pilates was starting. Yoga doesn't start exactly at the time like what'sherface does. I felt good.

Then tonight, I was not the biggest person in that room. There was someone who was MUCH bigger than me in there. I was probably the fourth largest person in the room with a few skinny minnies in there. The only problem I had tonight was the fact that one person was grumping at everything that the instructor wanted us to do. EVERY LITTLE THING. She didn't like this. She was glad that the room was overflowing with people cause she didn't want to do the balls. Over and over and over. I had a problem because a little granny was outdoing me with her eyes closed. I've seen her in there working out on the bikes. I am glad to see her there. She is probably in her mid70s to early 80s. She could do most things with very little trouble. The teacher gets to me: she was running on a running machine for 20 min before this pilates class started and still had the kickboxing class right behind it. She was not out of breath last week when I was in her kickboxing class. How good shape must she be in?

My SIL is driving me nuts. She ticked me off today and so I hung up on her. She proceeded to call me from her phone or my bro's phone for 30-35 calls over a 40 minute period. Then tonight, I was on the phone with someone whose taxes I was trying to finish. She would call, hang up immediately, and then immediately called me back. I asked my bro to tell her to back off. Then she proceeds to call the CPS worker and talk to her. I KNOW WHAT IS AT STAKE BUT FOR NOW I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE BY EVERYONE!!!!!!!! My mom friends are not part of this. SIL is really a sweetie and I like her a lot, but I do not need her to tell me exactly what is at stake. She (and CPS) want me to check into a hospital to get the help I'm desparate for. I have an appointment in Muskogee on August 1 with a place which is probably the best place for me. But I need everyone to just leave me alone until then. SIL told me that she and bro would take the boys for me. Problem is that I have one tank of gas and it has to last until July 19th. I have to drive so much to get the kids to and from daycare that it's almost half gone now with over a week to go.

I do not like this daycare that CPS got us into. "Breakfast is between 0800 and 0930." Fine. I walked the kids in this morning at 0812. Breakfast is over. The director proceeded to tell me the times. She told Naruto to go to the room. He looked at her and told her that he was hungry. I got them there in the time alloted for breakfast. Called CPS and told her what happened this morning. She told me to get on the phone and find a place for them here. Like that is going to happen. I'm still trying to take care of myself and dealing with this depression. I don't have time to deal with this. She's in court this morning. Fine. Then she tells me later that I need to get to this place I went to in Muskogee. She's worried about me.

Like I said, if people will just leave me alone. That won't make things that much better but it will lessen the stress on me. I am fine. Not perfectly fine but able to deal with things fine with the kids out of the house. Now I have them home for two days because Naruto's got a psych appointment on both days. I'm not driving Elmo out there without big bro to watch out for him. They are having shephard's pie tomorrow. Elmo has problems with food being thrust on him.

The question I'm needing to ask someone is why the big push for me to be checked into a psych ward. CPS will take the twerps. No problem there but I will not do that unless I know (beyond a sintilla of a doubt) that I will get them back. Elmo can't deal with being away from me again. Naruto might enjoy it for a bit but that gets old fast. It just looks bad too with CPS. I managed to get a good psych eval for the damn court already, but things have gotten much worse since that one day. I can deal with the day to day crap if I'm left alone to my own devices. The laundry is basically clean. I have a load in the dryer now. I need to fold all the clothes that are clean and finish those that aren't.

Today was a rainy day. I hate gloomy days. I spent two hours in bed cause I could not deal with anything this morning. Got up and had things to do this afternoon but then CPS called again. That messed up anything and everything for this afternoon. I still have things I have to do tomorrow. Elmo and I can play at the psych place while waiting on Naruto and his Pokemon to finish. He doesn't like to be kept waiting while I get there. Less use on the gas as well. Elmo and I might need to do some errands, like go to the PO, while waiting on him. Then home again to deal with the usual stuff but with the kids around. Maybe, if it's pretty, we might go to the park. I said MAYBE.