The SSA is about to send me the check for the money that they owe Naruto. I got a call today while I was sleeping (depressed). The man I talked to last week said that they are going to try and release that money in the next few days. Lots of people are watching to see that the money is relelased, not just me.
What is it about Naruto and his new clothes? He KNOWS he's not supposed to wear them but he wears them anyway. Today, he got ready for daycare. He was wearing his new Spiderman shirt (minus the tag which he had removed) and his Sunday pants. I didn't realize that he was wearing the Spidey shirt until he got to daycare when I turned the shirt around. I switched the shirt for a sweatshirt of mine I had in the car. THAT place doesn't seem to care. They have ruined some of his OLD clothes with paint that doesn't wash out. I don't mind those because I'm about to go through and trash a lot of his really old stuff. But it's the new stuff I can't have him destroying before school even starts. Do I have to start saucing him down to keep his fingers off his stuff and out of the offlimits room? That seems to be where I'm storing all the boxed up stuff.
I think that I'm not going to get my Cherokee Nation food next month until after we move, or right before. Emptying the freezer is going to be hell to get the moved freezer moved. The fruits, veggies, and juice can stay boxed, and I can get it on the last day that they are open and then turn around and get September's food on September 1 or 2. We have enough food to supply this family with MOST of the food we eat for three months. Since I have a bread machine, I can make bread. Milk would have to be bought.
I think I'm going to go to my brother's this weekend. He is busy trying to get a house on Brewer Street ready for SIL's mom and stepdad. They are pulling up the carpet. Don't ask me what they are going to replace it with but I do know they are removing the carpet. We don't have to be back in Tahlequah until 9:15 on Tuesday morning so we can return late on Monday night or as early as 9am on Tuesday morning, but I do not want to drive here starting around 5am. But I can do that.
Just nine more days until school starts. NINE MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I can stop fighting Naruto about his clothes. Doesn't he realize that Elmo has yet to get one NEW thing? This weekend is the taxfree weekend for school clothes. I can buy school clothes as early as 1201am and still go to brother's house on that day. I think I have a 2pm appointment but then I'll be out of Tahlequah. I need a break from here. I hope that Bro sends me a list of clothes that HorseLover and the Annoyer need so I can get them and take them with me.
What a day. It's not even 1pm. I've done nothing at all. I guess I need to get off my fat ass and get busy.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
How much longer until school starts?
I have never been to NYC. I probably will never go to NYC. Where is this place, Bear Maiden?
This one I do agree with. I'm a pretty good person except where DAD comes in. He's an asshole and deserves to...Well, I don't have to do anything. He has done it to himself.
This is true. If you have been through all the crap I've been through in my life with my disabilities...
We are moving around the start of next month. I'm going to rent the house next door to buy the owner and myself some time. It's a nice house and much bigger than the piece of crap we are now living in. It's going to be more than I currently pay but I won't have ants crawling in the house through a hole in the window eaves. They have fans in almost every room but there are three places where I'd want to get fans to help keep the place cool. IT EVEN HAS CENTRAL HEAT AND AIR!!!!!!!!! It's getting hot and muggy. I broke down and turned on the ac units last night. The one in the house isn't working. It blows air, but that is it. I guess I need to call that woman to get it taken care of. Oh, well. But I'm excited. I'm tired of dealing with that woman who owns most of this town. Time to start packing so I can move in a hair over a month.
I sent the paperwork to the SSA which I thought they wanted yesterday. But I found a piece of paper that states any more docs and hospitals that I've been in. Well, I printed that off and sent it in with the wrong paperwork. Oh, well. They can kiss my lovely Indian ass. I have gotten two months into the six months wait for a mental problem. I have enough unemployment to survive the four remaining months, but I should be able to get it faster. I can't help that I'm bipolar. But it explains some of my work habits very nicely. I really need to stay home. I have an entire house to pack up. I have a computer life to deal with. Ok, so this is my life.
Next week on Cartoon Network, they are having a Scooby Doo marathon. Wouldn't you know that I don't have a DVD recorder? *sigh* It sucks being poor. Sucks raw eggs. Now if the SSA will just give me the damn money that they owe Naruto. I could easily start saving for a downpayment on the house to go with what I get from the Cherokee Nation. But it still might be cheaper to have my brother take out the loan which I then pay off. After it's done, do a quick claim deed for "$10 and all my love and affection" type thing that is common in Arkansas for parents selling their houses to their adult kids.
What part of "I'm bipolar and I can't work" does my SIL not understand. She seems to think that CPS is demanding that I have to get a job. She is bipolar. She honestly can't work. Yes, I can get a job. No, I can't keep it. Something/someone will set me off and I'd either be fired or I'd have to quit. It is a cycle. I would like a job where I can stay home and play on the computer all day, accomplishing nothing. Unfortunately, there is no such job like that out there. CPS and I have discussed how this family is going to exist without my paycheck so there is not that demand out there. One of these days, she will get it.
We have to get up bright and early tomorrow morning. We need to be at Walmart bright and early in the morning to get boxes. I think that I can start with the books in the bookshelves and then go from there. I can put the boxes in the spare bedroom until I can get them over next door. Then box up the food storage, keeping some of the food out. Some, I do not need, like all of the excess flour I have. That is going to be so much fun. Then all the stuff in the wardrobe...we haven't used it in the year that we've been here. It has to be nailed before it's moved. I need to get three or more sets of shelves like I have my food storage sitting on. The new house has a garage where I can store stuff. Then I can quit paying for the storage shed. But I need Naruto's money to get the shelves that we need for the garage storage. I would like to do something like BF has in her garage. Everything is so neat and clean, organized. Why can't I be organized like BF?
Ten days until school starts. I am ready. I need to call the district tomorrow to see if Naruto has his JOM paperwork on file. I need to know what JOM isn't going to provide so I can but the problem is that Naruto is in a self-contained classroom, not the normal regular classroom. Maybe I need to just contact his teacher.
Breakfast time. Biscuits are done. I'm running as late as ever. This computer will make me late to my own funeral. Oh, well. Life goes on.
| You Belong in the East Village |
 A little bit arty, a little bit punk - you seem to set trends that many people follow. It's likely that you're an academic of sorts, even if it's just on the weekends. |
This one I do agree with. I'm a pretty good person except where DAD comes in. He's an asshole and deserves to...Well, I don't have to do anything. He has done it to himself.
| You Are 18% Evil |
 You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm. Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want! |
This is true. If you have been through all the crap I've been through in my life with my disabilities...
| You Are 48% Control Freak |
 Generally, you are in control but not a control freak. You life is usually in order. However, sometimes you get too obsessed with making everything in your life picture perfect. |
We are moving around the start of next month. I'm going to rent the house next door to buy the owner and myself some time. It's a nice house and much bigger than the piece of crap we are now living in. It's going to be more than I currently pay but I won't have ants crawling in the house through a hole in the window eaves. They have fans in almost every room but there are three places where I'd want to get fans to help keep the place cool. IT EVEN HAS CENTRAL HEAT AND AIR!!!!!!!!! It's getting hot and muggy. I broke down and turned on the ac units last night. The one in the house isn't working. It blows air, but that is it. I guess I need to call that woman to get it taken care of. Oh, well. But I'm excited. I'm tired of dealing with that woman who owns most of this town. Time to start packing so I can move in a hair over a month.
I sent the paperwork to the SSA which I thought they wanted yesterday. But I found a piece of paper that states any more docs and hospitals that I've been in. Well, I printed that off and sent it in with the wrong paperwork. Oh, well. They can kiss my lovely Indian ass. I have gotten two months into the six months wait for a mental problem. I have enough unemployment to survive the four remaining months, but I should be able to get it faster. I can't help that I'm bipolar. But it explains some of my work habits very nicely. I really need to stay home. I have an entire house to pack up. I have a computer life to deal with. Ok, so this is my life.
Next week on Cartoon Network, they are having a Scooby Doo marathon. Wouldn't you know that I don't have a DVD recorder? *sigh* It sucks being poor. Sucks raw eggs. Now if the SSA will just give me the damn money that they owe Naruto. I could easily start saving for a downpayment on the house to go with what I get from the Cherokee Nation. But it still might be cheaper to have my brother take out the loan which I then pay off. After it's done, do a quick claim deed for "$10 and all my love and affection" type thing that is common in Arkansas for parents selling their houses to their adult kids.
What part of "I'm bipolar and I can't work" does my SIL not understand. She seems to think that CPS is demanding that I have to get a job. She is bipolar. She honestly can't work. Yes, I can get a job. No, I can't keep it. Something/someone will set me off and I'd either be fired or I'd have to quit. It is a cycle. I would like a job where I can stay home and play on the computer all day, accomplishing nothing. Unfortunately, there is no such job like that out there. CPS and I have discussed how this family is going to exist without my paycheck so there is not that demand out there. One of these days, she will get it.
We have to get up bright and early tomorrow morning. We need to be at Walmart bright and early in the morning to get boxes. I think that I can start with the books in the bookshelves and then go from there. I can put the boxes in the spare bedroom until I can get them over next door. Then box up the food storage, keeping some of the food out. Some, I do not need, like all of the excess flour I have. That is going to be so much fun. Then all the stuff in the wardrobe...we haven't used it in the year that we've been here. It has to be nailed before it's moved. I need to get three or more sets of shelves like I have my food storage sitting on. The new house has a garage where I can store stuff. Then I can quit paying for the storage shed. But I need Naruto's money to get the shelves that we need for the garage storage. I would like to do something like BF has in her garage. Everything is so neat and clean, organized. Why can't I be organized like BF?
Ten days until school starts. I am ready. I need to call the district tomorrow to see if Naruto has his JOM paperwork on file. I need to know what JOM isn't going to provide so I can but the problem is that Naruto is in a self-contained classroom, not the normal regular classroom. Maybe I need to just contact his teacher.
Breakfast time. Biscuits are done. I'm running as late as ever. This computer will make me late to my own funeral. Oh, well. Life goes on.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Quick update
I called CPS and talked to her. I told her what had happened last night when CHUBS was here. The woman through a hissy fit over FOUR cheerios. I feel better now that I've talked to CPS. CPS said that CHUBS was going to be coming tonight. I know that. We are going to sit outside on the porch and have the damn visit. CPS said that she's going to have CHUBS close out the case. It's too much on both of us.
CHUBS is not the parent of handicapped kids. She'd honestly understand more the frustration I feel around Naruto and Elmo if she did. She does not suffer from any one of the three handicaps I suffer from. I can help her emulate it so she would understand what happens, but it's not worth my time. She's never had to deal with autistic families or families with handicapped kids. She couldn't have. She's been doing this for a while. Why did I have to be the first? *rolls eyes*
CPS is the parent of an autistic son who is a year older than Elmo. She understands the frustration I feel in dealing with them. She knows what it's like dealing with kids who are mentally younger than their real ages. She doesn't understand what my disabilities are, but she understands my frustrations. She also knows that the kids are not in danger. I told her that I would call her if I was really out of control as opposed to just totally frustrated. She knows that I will.
The kids are gone today to daycare. They will be there tomorrow and be staying behind since I can't afford $15 for them to go to the pool. What costs so much that they have to charge parents $7.50 a kid to go to the pool? It's the end of the month for me. I have no money until August 3 when I get Elmo's child support check. I can't wait to get Naruto's big back pay check and get his on a regular basis. I need to put down calling the SSA so I can get this money and mess straightened out. Then we can be comfortable..and I can save some money as well.
Back to the house. If I don't get online tonight to discuss my thoughts/feelings/grumps, it is up.
CHUBS is not the parent of handicapped kids. She'd honestly understand more the frustration I feel around Naruto and Elmo if she did. She does not suffer from any one of the three handicaps I suffer from. I can help her emulate it so she would understand what happens, but it's not worth my time. She's never had to deal with autistic families or families with handicapped kids. She couldn't have. She's been doing this for a while. Why did I have to be the first? *rolls eyes*
CPS is the parent of an autistic son who is a year older than Elmo. She understands the frustration I feel in dealing with them. She knows what it's like dealing with kids who are mentally younger than their real ages. She doesn't understand what my disabilities are, but she understands my frustrations. She also knows that the kids are not in danger. I told her that I would call her if I was really out of control as opposed to just totally frustrated. She knows that I will.
The kids are gone today to daycare. They will be there tomorrow and be staying behind since I can't afford $15 for them to go to the pool. What costs so much that they have to charge parents $7.50 a kid to go to the pool? It's the end of the month for me. I have no money until August 3 when I get Elmo's child support check. I can't wait to get Naruto's big back pay check and get his on a regular basis. I need to put down calling the SSA so I can get this money and mess straightened out. Then we can be comfortable..and I can save some money as well.
Back to the house. If I don't get online tonight to discuss my thoughts/feelings/grumps, it is up.
That Damn Woman!!!!!!!!
Today was a trying day. Elmo and Naruto were home because we had (well, they had) their weekly appointments at Prodigy. We were only 15 min late but I almost didn't get there on time. Better late than never.
Then CHUBS came over. I was in a mood. Not a good one. Naruto decided that he could destroy the house during quiet time. There is no such thing as quiet time around my house. I needed a nap. Today took a toll out of me.
Then CHUBS came over. She pitched a hissy fit over FOUR Cheerios being in the entrance way. FOUR WHOLE CHEERIOS. She has to tell CPS I had food on the floor. Elmo was sitting there eating the cereal about 30 minutes before she got there. He's four. He is not a neat eater so he got some on the floor. The house looks horrible because the kids destroy it on a daily basis.
Never mind the fact that I was in a depressed mood. I couldn't find some of my things because Naruto was in my space. He better get over this "space problem" before I have to get nasty and ugly. I'm tired of him in my room. I'm tired of him messing with crap he has no business messing with.
I sent the kids outside in the backyard to play. Naruto decided that he wanted to play in the front yard. So, he climbed over the fence and got two huge gashes on his back. He doesn't like the backyard. He's allergic to anything out there. He likes the front yard. No fence around the front yard. So, he climbs over the fence on a regular basis. Today, it was only four times before I made him come inside, which is really what he wanted. But mama turned off Cartoon Network. No one can watch anything until I get ready to turn it back on.
If he could do Cartoon Network in a moderate level, I could live with that. But it's all the time. I hate Ed, Edd, and Eddy with their scams. What are they teaching Naruto? Camp Lazlo is the same. You can do whatever you want to do and bend the rules to do it. It doesn't matter. I really want to break the tv set for a while. If I had a landline, then maybe I could switch to a DSL connection instead of cable net. I do enjoy Cartoons myself but I'm able to distinguish what is good from what is the absolute rubbish. I'm grown. He's seven.
But that woman backed me in the corner. She's going to tell CPS about four cheerios on the floor. I told her to go ahead. I don't give a damn anymore. I WANT THESE IDIOTS OUT OF MY HOUSE. I WANT THEM OUT OF MY LIFE. EVERYONE OF THEM. If you have handicapped kids, you know the pressure I'm under. I don't know how SewPaula does it with the Divine Em. But the problem is that unless you have lived with autistic kids or are autistic yourself, you know squat about my life and my house. I yelled at her for some time. You back a dog in a corner and torture him, he's going to come out fighting. He's going to do whatever it takes to get the torturer to back off of him and leave him alone. I'm not going to let her in the house. She has to come but we can meet at other places. McD, BK, the park...it doesn't matter. The boys would love to go to McD or BK for a pop and the other kids to play with. Tomorrow night, she has to come over. We can easily sit outside on the steps. The boys can be outside just as easily as we are. They can play in the front yard, which Aharon is not allergic to. When she's gone, we'll be better. How much longer until Sept? We should be free of CPS and CHUBS. I don't trust her anymore. She lost all respect I had for her. Pure and simple. She knows what she's doing, I'll admit, but she knows NOTHING about autism and all the problems associated with it. Nor does she know the problems (and hasn't been there) that I as a simple handicapped parent with two handicapped kids go through. Yes, they can go to daycare, but not when they are going to be there 2 hours. Not worth my time and gas money.
Gas is finally going back down. It's less than $2.80 here in places. I don't know how people do it with cars and gas payments. The woman three houses down doesn't have a car. Others take her to Walmart or she rides the KATS bus. Easy for her. I have to pay $6 for us to go to Walmart and back. They don't do a monthly plan. I would be glad to use that myself. Three bus passes for a month's driving would be more than worth it. But unfortunately, they don't do passes here. *rolls eyes*
CPS suggested a boarding school for Auties in Tulsa. Sorry, I do not think that I'll send Naruto. He'd be around auties 168 hours a week and none around normal kids. I need to get with the Podiatrist to see what she thinks, but I can almost hear her answer now. This would be like being back in foster care for Naruto, even though he'd be home on the weekends. He's only SEVEN. No, he has a good teacher and I think a lot of her. But Naruto can't play soccer or ball if he's not at any of the practices. Forget Cub Scouts. They might be the best for autistic kids, but not the best for my son. Naruto has his problems, but so does any other kids. He's just got more problems to overcome. But hiding him in an autie world will not make him a better person. It just shields him from the real world where Pokemon and super powers do not exist.
I have missed two nights of exercise because of shit. Last night, a normal 15 minute wait at Walmart was more like 45. The first appointment of the day was fine. The second one, the endo trip, was horrible. I drove around the same three block radius for 20 minutes trying to locate ONE building. So, I was late. Then they wanted to have an ultrasound done at 2. It would have been paid for by insurance but I needed it done then, not at 2. I had to get Naruto for his doc's appointment. We finally get to the doc's office at 1545 for a 1340 appointment. They have no paperwork. I'm being pushed/bullied by doctors. I do not know which way to turn anymore. We left it was after 1700. Then to go to Walmart. We got home around 1815. CHUBS was supposed to meet me at the gym at 1730. I got a nasty note and we missed a visit. I rarely miss her visits so it had to be something. Mark this up to another reason I can't deal with her. My phone had a dead battery. Sorry, CHUBS, but I'm trying to avoid using a car charger. It puts too much stress on the battery. I can't afford a new battery. I do have the car charger but still..
I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of people telling me what to do and how to clean my house. My support system is on vacation or not able to be reached. I'm frustrated with Naruto and somewhat with Elmo. I can't wait to get some meds because this is hell on me. Doesn't anyone know that? Maybe tomorrow will be better, but the past two days sure haven't.
Then CHUBS came over. I was in a mood. Not a good one. Naruto decided that he could destroy the house during quiet time. There is no such thing as quiet time around my house. I needed a nap. Today took a toll out of me.
Then CHUBS came over. She pitched a hissy fit over FOUR Cheerios being in the entrance way. FOUR WHOLE CHEERIOS. She has to tell CPS I had food on the floor. Elmo was sitting there eating the cereal about 30 minutes before she got there. He's four. He is not a neat eater so he got some on the floor. The house looks horrible because the kids destroy it on a daily basis.
Never mind the fact that I was in a depressed mood. I couldn't find some of my things because Naruto was in my space. He better get over this "space problem" before I have to get nasty and ugly. I'm tired of him in my room. I'm tired of him messing with crap he has no business messing with.
I sent the kids outside in the backyard to play. Naruto decided that he wanted to play in the front yard. So, he climbed over the fence and got two huge gashes on his back. He doesn't like the backyard. He's allergic to anything out there. He likes the front yard. No fence around the front yard. So, he climbs over the fence on a regular basis. Today, it was only four times before I made him come inside, which is really what he wanted. But mama turned off Cartoon Network. No one can watch anything until I get ready to turn it back on.
If he could do Cartoon Network in a moderate level, I could live with that. But it's all the time. I hate Ed, Edd, and Eddy with their scams. What are they teaching Naruto? Camp Lazlo is the same. You can do whatever you want to do and bend the rules to do it. It doesn't matter. I really want to break the tv set for a while. If I had a landline, then maybe I could switch to a DSL connection instead of cable net. I do enjoy Cartoons myself but I'm able to distinguish what is good from what is the absolute rubbish. I'm grown. He's seven.
But that woman backed me in the corner. She's going to tell CPS about four cheerios on the floor. I told her to go ahead. I don't give a damn anymore. I WANT THESE IDIOTS OUT OF MY HOUSE. I WANT THEM OUT OF MY LIFE. EVERYONE OF THEM. If you have handicapped kids, you know the pressure I'm under. I don't know how SewPaula does it with the Divine Em. But the problem is that unless you have lived with autistic kids or are autistic yourself, you know squat about my life and my house. I yelled at her for some time. You back a dog in a corner and torture him, he's going to come out fighting. He's going to do whatever it takes to get the torturer to back off of him and leave him alone. I'm not going to let her in the house. She has to come but we can meet at other places. McD, BK, the park...it doesn't matter. The boys would love to go to McD or BK for a pop and the other kids to play with. Tomorrow night, she has to come over. We can easily sit outside on the steps. The boys can be outside just as easily as we are. They can play in the front yard, which Aharon is not allergic to. When she's gone, we'll be better. How much longer until Sept? We should be free of CPS and CHUBS. I don't trust her anymore. She lost all respect I had for her. Pure and simple. She knows what she's doing, I'll admit, but she knows NOTHING about autism and all the problems associated with it. Nor does she know the problems (and hasn't been there) that I as a simple handicapped parent with two handicapped kids go through. Yes, they can go to daycare, but not when they are going to be there 2 hours. Not worth my time and gas money.
Gas is finally going back down. It's less than $2.80 here in places. I don't know how people do it with cars and gas payments. The woman three houses down doesn't have a car. Others take her to Walmart or she rides the KATS bus. Easy for her. I have to pay $6 for us to go to Walmart and back. They don't do a monthly plan. I would be glad to use that myself. Three bus passes for a month's driving would be more than worth it. But unfortunately, they don't do passes here. *rolls eyes*
CPS suggested a boarding school for Auties in Tulsa. Sorry, I do not think that I'll send Naruto. He'd be around auties 168 hours a week and none around normal kids. I need to get with the Podiatrist to see what she thinks, but I can almost hear her answer now. This would be like being back in foster care for Naruto, even though he'd be home on the weekends. He's only SEVEN. No, he has a good teacher and I think a lot of her. But Naruto can't play soccer or ball if he's not at any of the practices. Forget Cub Scouts. They might be the best for autistic kids, but not the best for my son. Naruto has his problems, but so does any other kids. He's just got more problems to overcome. But hiding him in an autie world will not make him a better person. It just shields him from the real world where Pokemon and super powers do not exist.
I have missed two nights of exercise because of shit. Last night, a normal 15 minute wait at Walmart was more like 45. The first appointment of the day was fine. The second one, the endo trip, was horrible. I drove around the same three block radius for 20 minutes trying to locate ONE building. So, I was late. Then they wanted to have an ultrasound done at 2. It would have been paid for by insurance but I needed it done then, not at 2. I had to get Naruto for his doc's appointment. We finally get to the doc's office at 1545 for a 1340 appointment. They have no paperwork. I'm being pushed/bullied by doctors. I do not know which way to turn anymore. We left it was after 1700. Then to go to Walmart. We got home around 1815. CHUBS was supposed to meet me at the gym at 1730. I got a nasty note and we missed a visit. I rarely miss her visits so it had to be something. Mark this up to another reason I can't deal with her. My phone had a dead battery. Sorry, CHUBS, but I'm trying to avoid using a car charger. It puts too much stress on the battery. I can't afford a new battery. I do have the car charger but still..
I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of people telling me what to do and how to clean my house. My support system is on vacation or not able to be reached. I'm frustrated with Naruto and somewhat with Elmo. I can't wait to get some meds because this is hell on me. Doesn't anyone know that? Maybe tomorrow will be better, but the past two days sure haven't.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
What a day!
I'm ticked off. I paid off a bill last month, and wouldn't you know that they sent me a bill? I'm three months behind when I paid it off last month. I called and gave them all the information that they needed so I could be square with them. Just another place to call tomorrow.
I'm going to start collecting my unemployment starting tomorrow. It is my "waiting" period so I can officially start drawing it next week. I have enough unemployment that we can survive until the middle of January/first of February. I really do not think that I'll be waiting that long for my SSI to start, but this is the Federal government. They still are sitting on my $7k in back child support over a measley $850ish that Naruto owes them. When is it going to come in? That is another place to call tomorrow...SSA and gripe out the supervisor so that the check gets unchecked or the check gets put into the proper place. It's a simple thing but the Muskogee office can't deal with it. It has to go higher.
It only took Naruto six times (getting out of bed) before he went to bed. If that dream catcher works, then it's worth every penny that I paid for it today. Granted, I have to remember to "shake it out and put the trashbag by the road" before I go and get him. But if it works, it works. He still won't get his 20 Naruto/Pokemon/YuGiOh cards in the morning. He's not supposed to get out at all.
School here starts in three weeks. I'm so ready. I called Greenwood today to doublecheck if Naruto has his JOM paperwork filled out so that I don't have to buy anything but a backpack for him. I wish I knew what he was going to need that JOM didn't normally have around. He's got enough clothes to start school in. I think he's got four new long sleeve shirts for the colder weather. He's got some old ones that are still in good shape. It's Elmo who doesn't have jeans. I don't know if he needs size 3T or 4T. Then again, I need to see what his RichAunt has given me for him. I swear RichAunt blows more money on clothes than I will get on MY disability in a month.
I started looking for a house today. Talked to someone at the BigRealEstate place here in Tahlequah. Wouldn't you know that the houses I can barely afford have less than 1k square feet? We have a small house...bigger than the two that were between $30.5k and $60k. I would love to buy the one next door to me. Imagine that hard move. It's big. It's in wonderful shape with the exception of the front window, but they are willing to replace that when it sells. I could move in immediately only for the small price tag of $65K. It's definately bigger than these few I saw. One set of houses I saw the listing for had two bed/one bath and was $2.5k less than a 3bed/one bath home. Sorry but that third bed is worth the $2.5k difference in price. Problem, as far as I'm concerned, is that it's Cherokee Elementary school and not Greenwood. Greenwood, no matter what, is the LRE for Naruto and later Elmo. His teacher is wonderful and we have a good relationship. Naruto likes her. That counts for a lot. Because it's the LRE, the bus will carry him there. Thank goodness for IDEA and all those wonderful bits of educational law for the disabled. If the boys go to Cherokee Elem, they would either be mainstreamed (cause all the MR kids have been taken out of their classroom and mainstreamed) or they would be placed in the ED classroom since they are ED. Bus routes wouldn't matter either because they would ride the handicapped bus. They have to go to ALL the schools.
Tomorrow, I guess I better start calling everyone. I need to write down whom I need to call including a former boss who is a complete jerkoffski. Maybe he can tell me about FmHA loans which would help us make the payment on the house. I just do not want him to know where I am or that it's me calling. I left his name and number with the real estate person so she can call as well.
I'm going to start collecting my unemployment starting tomorrow. It is my "waiting" period so I can officially start drawing it next week. I have enough unemployment that we can survive until the middle of January/first of February. I really do not think that I'll be waiting that long for my SSI to start, but this is the Federal government. They still are sitting on my $7k in back child support over a measley $850ish that Naruto owes them. When is it going to come in? That is another place to call tomorrow...SSA and gripe out the supervisor so that the check gets unchecked or the check gets put into the proper place. It's a simple thing but the Muskogee office can't deal with it. It has to go higher.
It only took Naruto six times (getting out of bed) before he went to bed. If that dream catcher works, then it's worth every penny that I paid for it today. Granted, I have to remember to "shake it out and put the trashbag by the road" before I go and get him. But if it works, it works. He still won't get his 20 Naruto/Pokemon/YuGiOh cards in the morning. He's not supposed to get out at all.
School here starts in three weeks. I'm so ready. I called Greenwood today to doublecheck if Naruto has his JOM paperwork filled out so that I don't have to buy anything but a backpack for him. I wish I knew what he was going to need that JOM didn't normally have around. He's got enough clothes to start school in. I think he's got four new long sleeve shirts for the colder weather. He's got some old ones that are still in good shape. It's Elmo who doesn't have jeans. I don't know if he needs size 3T or 4T. Then again, I need to see what his RichAunt has given me for him. I swear RichAunt blows more money on clothes than I will get on MY disability in a month.
I started looking for a house today. Talked to someone at the BigRealEstate place here in Tahlequah. Wouldn't you know that the houses I can barely afford have less than 1k square feet? We have a small house...bigger than the two that were between $30.5k and $60k. I would love to buy the one next door to me. Imagine that hard move. It's big. It's in wonderful shape with the exception of the front window, but they are willing to replace that when it sells. I could move in immediately only for the small price tag of $65K. It's definately bigger than these few I saw. One set of houses I saw the listing for had two bed/one bath and was $2.5k less than a 3bed/one bath home. Sorry but that third bed is worth the $2.5k difference in price. Problem, as far as I'm concerned, is that it's Cherokee Elementary school and not Greenwood. Greenwood, no matter what, is the LRE for Naruto and later Elmo. His teacher is wonderful and we have a good relationship. Naruto likes her. That counts for a lot. Because it's the LRE, the bus will carry him there. Thank goodness for IDEA and all those wonderful bits of educational law for the disabled. If the boys go to Cherokee Elem, they would either be mainstreamed (cause all the MR kids have been taken out of their classroom and mainstreamed) or they would be placed in the ED classroom since they are ED. Bus routes wouldn't matter either because they would ride the handicapped bus. They have to go to ALL the schools.
Tomorrow, I guess I better start calling everyone. I need to write down whom I need to call including a former boss who is a complete jerkoffski. Maybe he can tell me about FmHA loans which would help us make the payment on the house. I just do not want him to know where I am or that it's me calling. I left his name and number with the real estate person so she can call as well.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Finally, I got some answers!!!
I went to the intake today. Before I left, I had been diagnosed as being bipolar. Some of the symptoms have been present with me since I was a teenager, which most bipolars get diagnosed instead of at 39. When I asked about why I didn't get the diagnosis until I was older, the therapist said that I was going through a lot of hormonal changes like a lot of tweens and teenagers. My teenage years were miserable for me. I cried myself to sleep at least six nights a month. Back to today: she also said that I was living a life full of stress that most people never seen in their entire lifetime. I told there that there was a lot of pressure on me to go back to work. I can't work. I'm so laid back most days and depressed but then I go manic. SIL said that it takes years to get the meds correct. I told her that most of the depression meds I have taken aren't working. Wouldn't you know that it only takes care of HALF of the problem. It can help but you have to treat both sides of the disorder instead of just one as they have been doing.
That got me some answers I need as well as a reason why I am not able to get a job now. I knew that I was bipolar but no one would listen to me. CHUBS told me that I was a hypocondriac. EXCUSE ME BUT I HAVE AN EXPERT BACKING ME UP, CHUBS. I hope to have an appointment to see a doc for meds on July 31st. I hope so because if I don't have SoonerCare on the first, I'm going to be screwed for some time. Some of those drugs have horrible side effects and I don't want to be spending big bucks for drugs only to have to spend more on drugs a week later because the first bunch didn't work. Repeat this several times over a four month period...I'll be out some big bucks for meds. I do not have big bucks. I am not working. *SIGH* But this has given me some answers why I am such a procrastinator.
Naruto and Elmo are home for a day tomorrow. I can't have them home on Thursday. I have too much to do. I need to see if CUZ can take Elmo tomorrow so I can take Naruto for serious med changes without the interruption from Elmo. I need to call CUZ tomorrow early. Let Elmo play with his cousins. I'm just about to have to carry Naruto and put him in for inpatient services to get his meds straightened out.
I have got to get a new breadmaker. The one I got a month ago from a friend has died. Fortunately, bread was on sale this week at Reasors so I got four loaves. I put three of them in the freezer. Naruto and Elmo don't eat my homemade bread so I have to have some for them in the freezer. I guess I have it made. I get homemade bread and they get frozen (and thawed out) bread. Which would you rather eat?
Since Pilates had been cancelled for tonight, I didn't go to the gym. Machines are ok, but not what I want to do. Missed the 1530 class but she's one of the "advanced" ones, not for someone as out of shape as I am. Now, tomorrow night is step aerobics since there is nothing I want to do. I'm not ready for belly dancing. I'm all belly; maybe when I loose some of this belly. If I want to loose the belly, I need to loose the eat everything in sight attitude I have. Comfort eating. Not good.
I got the lawn mowed today. It was on the verge of the "start to get out of hand" phase but not there yet. I think we've had rain ten days this month, and more rain than most people remember in a long time back. It's been a really nice cool summer but the bugs....they are horrible. I am about to have to call someone to come in and spray. All sorts of bugs. I won't name them here, but a lot of flies. Baby flies. I hope that I don't have to start carrying the garbage out every night. I just have to get a new house to live on, preferably one that I own with a bank. There is one two doors down from CUZ which has a reasonable WITH APPROVED CREDIT $255 a month. I wonder what is wrong with it and how much it would cost me to fix. I suspect that its smaller than this house. This house is small, but it's not mine. Too many problems that the landlady will not fix. She won't touch them. She's rich. Why should she worry about a po person like me? She doesn't, I can assure you.
I'm finished grumping/going over stuff in my head. I have to bring in four cases of cokes and put a load in the dryer. What a day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That got me some answers I need as well as a reason why I am not able to get a job now. I knew that I was bipolar but no one would listen to me. CHUBS told me that I was a hypocondriac. EXCUSE ME BUT I HAVE AN EXPERT BACKING ME UP, CHUBS. I hope to have an appointment to see a doc for meds on July 31st. I hope so because if I don't have SoonerCare on the first, I'm going to be screwed for some time. Some of those drugs have horrible side effects and I don't want to be spending big bucks for drugs only to have to spend more on drugs a week later because the first bunch didn't work. Repeat this several times over a four month period...I'll be out some big bucks for meds. I do not have big bucks. I am not working. *SIGH* But this has given me some answers why I am such a procrastinator.
Naruto and Elmo are home for a day tomorrow. I can't have them home on Thursday. I have too much to do. I need to see if CUZ can take Elmo tomorrow so I can take Naruto for serious med changes without the interruption from Elmo. I need to call CUZ tomorrow early. Let Elmo play with his cousins. I'm just about to have to carry Naruto and put him in for inpatient services to get his meds straightened out.
I have got to get a new breadmaker. The one I got a month ago from a friend has died. Fortunately, bread was on sale this week at Reasors so I got four loaves. I put three of them in the freezer. Naruto and Elmo don't eat my homemade bread so I have to have some for them in the freezer. I guess I have it made. I get homemade bread and they get frozen (and thawed out) bread. Which would you rather eat?
Since Pilates had been cancelled for tonight, I didn't go to the gym. Machines are ok, but not what I want to do. Missed the 1530 class but she's one of the "advanced" ones, not for someone as out of shape as I am. Now, tomorrow night is step aerobics since there is nothing I want to do. I'm not ready for belly dancing. I'm all belly; maybe when I loose some of this belly. If I want to loose the belly, I need to loose the eat everything in sight attitude I have. Comfort eating. Not good.
I got the lawn mowed today. It was on the verge of the "start to get out of hand" phase but not there yet. I think we've had rain ten days this month, and more rain than most people remember in a long time back. It's been a really nice cool summer but the bugs....they are horrible. I am about to have to call someone to come in and spray. All sorts of bugs. I won't name them here, but a lot of flies. Baby flies. I hope that I don't have to start carrying the garbage out every night. I just have to get a new house to live on, preferably one that I own with a bank. There is one two doors down from CUZ which has a reasonable WITH APPROVED CREDIT $255 a month. I wonder what is wrong with it and how much it would cost me to fix. I suspect that its smaller than this house. This house is small, but it's not mine. Too many problems that the landlady will not fix. She won't touch them. She's rich. Why should she worry about a po person like me? She doesn't, I can assure you.
I'm finished grumping/going over stuff in my head. I have to bring in four cases of cokes and put a load in the dryer. What a day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
What a couple of days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why does it take Naruto three hours to go to bed every night? Why does he have to worry about monsters under the bed? He's got every excuse under the sun as to why he can't go to bed when it's bedtime. I spend two hours yelling, "GO TO BED, NARUTO!" every night. He's telling me that it's my bedtime, and it's only 2147. Then his mouth starts running and insulting me.
Today was a horrible day. I could not get through Elmo's intake without someone's mouth interrupting. "I'm bored." "Can we go home now?" Does he not think that maybe Elmo is as important to me as he himself is? Maybe not because all I do is basically yell at him. Naruto is so frustrating. It was nice to have the therapist tell me that I basically have two toddlers to take care of by myself. Naruto is seven but acts like he's four. Elmo is four but probably is two developmentally. She asked if I felt like Elmo was MR. I said if we gave him the appropriate test for his age then he would be MR. I said he might be but for the most part is honestly smarter than Naruto was at that age. Naruto is borderline MR, to be honest. But Elmo is just plain ol' developmentally delayed.
Then bedtime with Naruto is still going on. If he had not destroyed his blinds (I can't find any at WMT to replace them), then he would not be able to see out. I am going to have to put up some sheets over the windows tomorrow so he will go to bed. I might not be able to sleep tonight...if he doesn't sleep, then Mama won't be able to sleep. I have to take him on Wednesday when he goes to Prodigy to see his Hastings doc. His meds are not working. I can't even admit him into an inpatient program to get his meds and himself under control because he's not old enough to go alone. The only program open to him is his current progam. I might have to call Dr Misty Boyd at the Cherokee Behavioralists place to see if there is a place where I can send him until these major problems are undercontrol. I'm just tired of the nightly fight.
I finally get my intake tomorrow. I got the call right before yoga tonight telling me it would be at 0915 but no kids. No problem! They will be at daycare around 0800. I think I'm going to get me some breakfast at McD. But it is finally happening. I'm not sure why it took THREE WEEKS to get it together. It moved quickly when they realized that I do have insurance until the end of the month. Naruto's therapist told me today that they are going to try and get me in to see the doc about meds before they get Naruto in. I hope that I can go to bed and get some sleep because it's going to be after 1100 before I can get home and to bed. I really would like to go to step tomorrow at 1530. Pilates has been cancelled tomorrow night.
Friday started off bad. I got into it with CPS's CHUBS woman. Why she does not understand autism and the co-morbids? Instead, she's too busy telling me that "I'm the mother" but I won the battle by allowing Naruto wear his yellow satin shorts for the third day in a row. While he was gone, I was able to get a lot of work done that I could not have gotten done with Naruto and Elmo home. Which is more important: Naturo in clean shorts (he had a clean body, underwear, and shirt on) or the house being cleaned, including all of the laundry washed, folded, and put away except for my load of clothes. Then on Saturday, Naruto wore the same shorts we had argued over on Friday. He was able to choose between all of his shorts on Saturday when I had handed him a pair on Thursday (we argued) and then again on Friday. I really wish that CHUBS understood what in the HELL being the parent of an autistic child meant. She's not autistic nor are her kids. Forget what it means as an adult.
Talked to CPS person on Saturday. She's, provided that I can get the help I need by September 18th and take my meds, going to close the case. But I have to have a stable mental issue. It's easier when the kids are not at home, either at school or at daycare. The meds are not working worth a crap. Sometimes, they do. They worked on Wed and Thurs but not over the weekend and definately today. The kids were home all five days. What is the difference between the five days? I know I was yelling at Naruto from the moment I woke up. On Thursday, I was up before the kids were. I really do not know if that made that big a difference. Might have. Might not have. We stayed home all day on Saturday. Was that a big thing?
I need to make a pumpkin pie for tomorrow night. Going to dinner with some friends of mine. They are celebrating pioneer days. We are supposed to make foods like they would have back in the middle 1800s. I think that it might be fun, provided that they have someone to take care of kids. I have to take mine. There is no telling if David will be home from work so that he can take care of his kids and mine. I'll just take mine with me. If we have to go home, we have to go home. But it will get us out of the house for a couple of hours.
The boys have a computer. It's still in the box and sitting in the spare room. I have games that I could put on for them but they do not understand the rules of the house. I can't have them on a pretty nice piece of equipment if they can't follow simple rules and it's got to be limited. Some of the software is for edumational purposes. Naruto really needs all the help he can get. If this will help him, then it will be worth it. But he just needs to follow the rules. I wonder if I can set the computer to go off after an hour or two. That is something to ask my EPM friends who know more about that sort of stuff than I do.
Today was a horrible day. I could not get through Elmo's intake without someone's mouth interrupting. "I'm bored." "Can we go home now?" Does he not think that maybe Elmo is as important to me as he himself is? Maybe not because all I do is basically yell at him. Naruto is so frustrating. It was nice to have the therapist tell me that I basically have two toddlers to take care of by myself. Naruto is seven but acts like he's four. Elmo is four but probably is two developmentally. She asked if I felt like Elmo was MR. I said if we gave him the appropriate test for his age then he would be MR. I said he might be but for the most part is honestly smarter than Naruto was at that age. Naruto is borderline MR, to be honest. But Elmo is just plain ol' developmentally delayed.
Then bedtime with Naruto is still going on. If he had not destroyed his blinds (I can't find any at WMT to replace them), then he would not be able to see out. I am going to have to put up some sheets over the windows tomorrow so he will go to bed. I might not be able to sleep tonight...if he doesn't sleep, then Mama won't be able to sleep. I have to take him on Wednesday when he goes to Prodigy to see his Hastings doc. His meds are not working. I can't even admit him into an inpatient program to get his meds and himself under control because he's not old enough to go alone. The only program open to him is his current progam. I might have to call Dr Misty Boyd at the Cherokee Behavioralists place to see if there is a place where I can send him until these major problems are undercontrol. I'm just tired of the nightly fight.
I finally get my intake tomorrow. I got the call right before yoga tonight telling me it would be at 0915 but no kids. No problem! They will be at daycare around 0800. I think I'm going to get me some breakfast at McD. But it is finally happening. I'm not sure why it took THREE WEEKS to get it together. It moved quickly when they realized that I do have insurance until the end of the month. Naruto's therapist told me today that they are going to try and get me in to see the doc about meds before they get Naruto in. I hope that I can go to bed and get some sleep because it's going to be after 1100 before I can get home and to bed. I really would like to go to step tomorrow at 1530. Pilates has been cancelled tomorrow night.
Friday started off bad. I got into it with CPS's CHUBS woman. Why she does not understand autism and the co-morbids? Instead, she's too busy telling me that "I'm the mother" but I won the battle by allowing Naruto wear his yellow satin shorts for the third day in a row. While he was gone, I was able to get a lot of work done that I could not have gotten done with Naruto and Elmo home. Which is more important: Naturo in clean shorts (he had a clean body, underwear, and shirt on) or the house being cleaned, including all of the laundry washed, folded, and put away except for my load of clothes. Then on Saturday, Naruto wore the same shorts we had argued over on Friday. He was able to choose between all of his shorts on Saturday when I had handed him a pair on Thursday (we argued) and then again on Friday. I really wish that CHUBS understood what in the HELL being the parent of an autistic child meant. She's not autistic nor are her kids. Forget what it means as an adult.
Talked to CPS person on Saturday. She's, provided that I can get the help I need by September 18th and take my meds, going to close the case. But I have to have a stable mental issue. It's easier when the kids are not at home, either at school or at daycare. The meds are not working worth a crap. Sometimes, they do. They worked on Wed and Thurs but not over the weekend and definately today. The kids were home all five days. What is the difference between the five days? I know I was yelling at Naruto from the moment I woke up. On Thursday, I was up before the kids were. I really do not know if that made that big a difference. Might have. Might not have. We stayed home all day on Saturday. Was that a big thing?
I need to make a pumpkin pie for tomorrow night. Going to dinner with some friends of mine. They are celebrating pioneer days. We are supposed to make foods like they would have back in the middle 1800s. I think that it might be fun, provided that they have someone to take care of kids. I have to take mine. There is no telling if David will be home from work so that he can take care of his kids and mine. I'll just take mine with me. If we have to go home, we have to go home. But it will get us out of the house for a couple of hours.
The boys have a computer. It's still in the box and sitting in the spare room. I have games that I could put on for them but they do not understand the rules of the house. I can't have them on a pretty nice piece of equipment if they can't follow simple rules and it's got to be limited. Some of the software is for edumational purposes. Naruto really needs all the help he can get. If this will help him, then it will be worth it. But he just needs to follow the rules. I wonder if I can set the computer to go off after an hour or two. That is something to ask my EPM friends who know more about that sort of stuff than I do.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Another Day older and SIL is driving me nuts!!!!!!
Today, I kept the kids at home. Naruto had a psych appointment and I wasn't leaving Elmo (and driving so much out of my way) without Naruto to give me an idea what is going on there. I'm keeping them home tomorrow as well. This will be the last psych appointment this week unless I have another crisis.
Did ok today. Yelled at the normal stupid shit that they did. Fixed breakfast. Waited too late for lunch since I thought Naruto's appointment was at 1130 but it was 1230. We sat and waited for it. I wasn't in that big a hurry to get home to deal with them. The boys, a cute little four year old girl, and I played Disney Memory. The boys came and went. I could not imagine what this sweet little cutie was doing in a place like that. Her daycare would bring her and then pick her up, leaving her for a while after her appointment was over. I'm talking about 40 min or so. It is in Tahlequah so it should have only taken ten minutes at slo-mo speed and less than that at normal speed to pick her up. So, we had Mazzio's for lunch since it was almost 1320 when we left the joint. Then I cooked a El Paso Taco bake for dinner. I was the only one who ate that. No more dinner until tomorrow morning.
Why is it a fight to put Naruto to bed every night? I swear, his meds aren't working. I mean it was only a 2 hour fight tonight. Sometimes, it's 20 minutes. Sometimes, it's an all night fight. He finally conked out. Only got hot sauced six times for getting out of his bed. He had chocolate milk for the first three. Then he had to suffer because I was at the end of my rope at that point in time.
He's constantly digging in my stuff. He found my shaving cream which I had hidden between my mattresses. I have Naruto/Pokemon/Yui-Gui-Oh cards in my room that I do not want him to have. He can't take care of anything. If he could do that and LEAVE THEM AT HOME WHEN HE'S TOLD TO, then I'd take them out of time out. Unfortunately, they travel and *I* have to yell at him to pick them up. Elmo takes maybe ten. Naruto takes 1000 of them. All over everything. If they end up in the trash, they are staying in the trash. He has to learn somehow.
You know, all this exercise at the gym is reminding me that I have muscles that I have not used in years. Or some I didn't even know I owned. Tonight was step aerobics. This is not the same stuff I did in high school. My mother, the exercise freak, couldn't have done them. Complicated moves. I just did something simple to keep moving while they did the complicated steps. The woman behind me was frustrated from time to time at the complexity level. I'm challenged when it comes to stuff that is complicated. I prefer simple. It's just easier and I'm lazy too.
SIL NEEDS TO STOP CALLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's bordering on harassment and I would win if I pushed it. I want to be left alone. I dont' want to hear the obvious. What I want is the support that I get from my Mom Friends. I've got to call her cell tomorrow and tell her to leave me alone for a few days. I do not remember to plug the phone in so the batteries die. I am not always able to talk when SHE wants to talk. I do have friends outside of her. My bro told me that I do not need to tell her stuff. He's right. If she's not calling me on her phone, she's using his. Or she's calling from a "withheld" number. For a person who is paranoid about things right now, withholding a name/number means that I'm not going to answer the phone. I know she's like 28 to my 39, but she needs to grow up. Her mom and my bro agree with that one. I'm not admitting myself into a ward so she can get over it. I'm fine right now but she's pushing me. Even with all the crap today, I'm still dealing with things ok.
I guess I need to brush my teeth and head to bed. I got kids tomorrow at home with me so I need to get up bright and early. I'm sure I'll hear "pancakes" or "ffs" for breakfast. I think we are out of canned biscuits but I can easily make more or use the frozen ones I have in the freezer. Leftovers for lunch for me. Nuggets for them with tator tots.
Did ok today. Yelled at the normal stupid shit that they did. Fixed breakfast. Waited too late for lunch since I thought Naruto's appointment was at 1130 but it was 1230. We sat and waited for it. I wasn't in that big a hurry to get home to deal with them. The boys, a cute little four year old girl, and I played Disney Memory. The boys came and went. I could not imagine what this sweet little cutie was doing in a place like that. Her daycare would bring her and then pick her up, leaving her for a while after her appointment was over. I'm talking about 40 min or so. It is in Tahlequah so it should have only taken ten minutes at slo-mo speed and less than that at normal speed to pick her up. So, we had Mazzio's for lunch since it was almost 1320 when we left the joint. Then I cooked a El Paso Taco bake for dinner. I was the only one who ate that. No more dinner until tomorrow morning.
Why is it a fight to put Naruto to bed every night? I swear, his meds aren't working. I mean it was only a 2 hour fight tonight. Sometimes, it's 20 minutes. Sometimes, it's an all night fight. He finally conked out. Only got hot sauced six times for getting out of his bed. He had chocolate milk for the first three. Then he had to suffer because I was at the end of my rope at that point in time.
He's constantly digging in my stuff. He found my shaving cream which I had hidden between my mattresses. I have Naruto/Pokemon/Yui-Gui-Oh cards in my room that I do not want him to have. He can't take care of anything. If he could do that and LEAVE THEM AT HOME WHEN HE'S TOLD TO, then I'd take them out of time out. Unfortunately, they travel and *I* have to yell at him to pick them up. Elmo takes maybe ten. Naruto takes 1000 of them. All over everything. If they end up in the trash, they are staying in the trash. He has to learn somehow.
You know, all this exercise at the gym is reminding me that I have muscles that I have not used in years. Or some I didn't even know I owned. Tonight was step aerobics. This is not the same stuff I did in high school. My mother, the exercise freak, couldn't have done them. Complicated moves. I just did something simple to keep moving while they did the complicated steps. The woman behind me was frustrated from time to time at the complexity level. I'm challenged when it comes to stuff that is complicated. I prefer simple. It's just easier and I'm lazy too.
SIL NEEDS TO STOP CALLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's bordering on harassment and I would win if I pushed it. I want to be left alone. I dont' want to hear the obvious. What I want is the support that I get from my Mom Friends. I've got to call her cell tomorrow and tell her to leave me alone for a few days. I do not remember to plug the phone in so the batteries die. I am not always able to talk when SHE wants to talk. I do have friends outside of her. My bro told me that I do not need to tell her stuff. He's right. If she's not calling me on her phone, she's using his. Or she's calling from a "withheld" number. For a person who is paranoid about things right now, withholding a name/number means that I'm not going to answer the phone. I know she's like 28 to my 39, but she needs to grow up. Her mom and my bro agree with that one. I'm not admitting myself into a ward so she can get over it. I'm fine right now but she's pushing me. Even with all the crap today, I'm still dealing with things ok.
I guess I need to brush my teeth and head to bed. I got kids tomorrow at home with me so I need to get up bright and early. I'm sure I'll hear "pancakes" or "ffs" for breakfast. I think we are out of canned biscuits but I can easily make more or use the frozen ones I have in the freezer. Leftovers for lunch for me. Nuggets for them with tator tots.
Monday, July 9, 2007
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was exhausted last night from yoga and the ten minutes I walked on that walking machine. I just went to bed, nice and very early for me. This exercise must be doing something. On July 1, I could barely walk 90 seconds before I was huffing and puffing. Last night and tonight, it was over 3 minutes before I started hurting. Last night, I felt good when I got off. Tonight, I didn't finish because pilates was starting. Yoga doesn't start exactly at the time like what'sherface does. I felt good.
Then tonight, I was not the biggest person in that room. There was someone who was MUCH bigger than me in there. I was probably the fourth largest person in the room with a few skinny minnies in there. The only problem I had tonight was the fact that one person was grumping at everything that the instructor wanted us to do. EVERY LITTLE THING. She didn't like this. She was glad that the room was overflowing with people cause she didn't want to do the balls. Over and over and over. I had a problem because a little granny was outdoing me with her eyes closed. I've seen her in there working out on the bikes. I am glad to see her there. She is probably in her mid70s to early 80s. She could do most things with very little trouble. The teacher gets to me: she was running on a running machine for 20 min before this pilates class started and still had the kickboxing class right behind it. She was not out of breath last week when I was in her kickboxing class. How good shape must she be in?
My SIL is driving me nuts. She ticked me off today and so I hung up on her. She proceeded to call me from her phone or my bro's phone for 30-35 calls over a 40 minute period. Then tonight, I was on the phone with someone whose taxes I was trying to finish. She would call, hang up immediately, and then immediately called me back. I asked my bro to tell her to back off. Then she proceeds to call the CPS worker and talk to her. I KNOW WHAT IS AT STAKE BUT FOR NOW I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE BY EVERYONE!!!!!!!! My mom friends are not part of this. SIL is really a sweetie and I like her a lot, but I do not need her to tell me exactly what is at stake. She (and CPS) want me to check into a hospital to get the help I'm desparate for. I have an appointment in Muskogee on August 1 with a place which is probably the best place for me. But I need everyone to just leave me alone until then. SIL told me that she and bro would take the boys for me. Problem is that I have one tank of gas and it has to last until July 19th. I have to drive so much to get the kids to and from daycare that it's almost half gone now with over a week to go.
I do not like this daycare that CPS got us into. "Breakfast is between 0800 and 0930." Fine. I walked the kids in this morning at 0812. Breakfast is over. The director proceeded to tell me the times. She told Naruto to go to the room. He looked at her and told her that he was hungry. I got them there in the time alloted for breakfast. Called CPS and told her what happened this morning. She told me to get on the phone and find a place for them here. Like that is going to happen. I'm still trying to take care of myself and dealing with this depression. I don't have time to deal with this. She's in court this morning. Fine. Then she tells me later that I need to get to this place I went to in Muskogee. She's worried about me.
Like I said, if people will just leave me alone. That won't make things that much better but it will lessen the stress on me. I am fine. Not perfectly fine but able to deal with things fine with the kids out of the house. Now I have them home for two days because Naruto's got a psych appointment on both days. I'm not driving Elmo out there without big bro to watch out for him. They are having shephard's pie tomorrow. Elmo has problems with food being thrust on him.
The question I'm needing to ask someone is why the big push for me to be checked into a psych ward. CPS will take the twerps. No problem there but I will not do that unless I know (beyond a sintilla of a doubt) that I will get them back. Elmo can't deal with being away from me again. Naruto might enjoy it for a bit but that gets old fast. It just looks bad too with CPS. I managed to get a good psych eval for the damn court already, but things have gotten much worse since that one day. I can deal with the day to day crap if I'm left alone to my own devices. The laundry is basically clean. I have a load in the dryer now. I need to fold all the clothes that are clean and finish those that aren't.
Today was a rainy day. I hate gloomy days. I spent two hours in bed cause I could not deal with anything this morning. Got up and had things to do this afternoon but then CPS called again. That messed up anything and everything for this afternoon. I still have things I have to do tomorrow. Elmo and I can play at the psych place while waiting on Naruto and his Pokemon to finish. He doesn't like to be kept waiting while I get there. Less use on the gas as well. Elmo and I might need to do some errands, like go to the PO, while waiting on him. Then home again to deal with the usual stuff but with the kids around. Maybe, if it's pretty, we might go to the park. I said MAYBE.
Then tonight, I was not the biggest person in that room. There was someone who was MUCH bigger than me in there. I was probably the fourth largest person in the room with a few skinny minnies in there. The only problem I had tonight was the fact that one person was grumping at everything that the instructor wanted us to do. EVERY LITTLE THING. She didn't like this. She was glad that the room was overflowing with people cause she didn't want to do the balls. Over and over and over. I had a problem because a little granny was outdoing me with her eyes closed. I've seen her in there working out on the bikes. I am glad to see her there. She is probably in her mid70s to early 80s. She could do most things with very little trouble. The teacher gets to me: she was running on a running machine for 20 min before this pilates class started and still had the kickboxing class right behind it. She was not out of breath last week when I was in her kickboxing class. How good shape must she be in?
My SIL is driving me nuts. She ticked me off today and so I hung up on her. She proceeded to call me from her phone or my bro's phone for 30-35 calls over a 40 minute period. Then tonight, I was on the phone with someone whose taxes I was trying to finish. She would call, hang up immediately, and then immediately called me back. I asked my bro to tell her to back off. Then she proceeds to call the CPS worker and talk to her. I KNOW WHAT IS AT STAKE BUT FOR NOW I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE BY EVERYONE!!!!!!!! My mom friends are not part of this. SIL is really a sweetie and I like her a lot, but I do not need her to tell me exactly what is at stake. She (and CPS) want me to check into a hospital to get the help I'm desparate for. I have an appointment in Muskogee on August 1 with a place which is probably the best place for me. But I need everyone to just leave me alone until then. SIL told me that she and bro would take the boys for me. Problem is that I have one tank of gas and it has to last until July 19th. I have to drive so much to get the kids to and from daycare that it's almost half gone now with over a week to go.
I do not like this daycare that CPS got us into. "Breakfast is between 0800 and 0930." Fine. I walked the kids in this morning at 0812. Breakfast is over. The director proceeded to tell me the times. She told Naruto to go to the room. He looked at her and told her that he was hungry. I got them there in the time alloted for breakfast. Called CPS and told her what happened this morning. She told me to get on the phone and find a place for them here. Like that is going to happen. I'm still trying to take care of myself and dealing with this depression. I don't have time to deal with this. She's in court this morning. Fine. Then she tells me later that I need to get to this place I went to in Muskogee. She's worried about me.
Like I said, if people will just leave me alone. That won't make things that much better but it will lessen the stress on me. I am fine. Not perfectly fine but able to deal with things fine with the kids out of the house. Now I have them home for two days because Naruto's got a psych appointment on both days. I'm not driving Elmo out there without big bro to watch out for him. They are having shephard's pie tomorrow. Elmo has problems with food being thrust on him.
The question I'm needing to ask someone is why the big push for me to be checked into a psych ward. CPS will take the twerps. No problem there but I will not do that unless I know (beyond a sintilla of a doubt) that I will get them back. Elmo can't deal with being away from me again. Naruto might enjoy it for a bit but that gets old fast. It just looks bad too with CPS. I managed to get a good psych eval for the damn court already, but things have gotten much worse since that one day. I can deal with the day to day crap if I'm left alone to my own devices. The laundry is basically clean. I have a load in the dryer now. I need to fold all the clothes that are clean and finish those that aren't.
Today was a rainy day. I hate gloomy days. I spent two hours in bed cause I could not deal with anything this morning. Got up and had things to do this afternoon but then CPS called again. That messed up anything and everything for this afternoon. I still have things I have to do tomorrow. Elmo and I can play at the psych place while waiting on Naruto and his Pokemon to finish. He doesn't like to be kept waiting while I get there. Less use on the gas as well. Elmo and I might need to do some errands, like go to the PO, while waiting on him. Then home again to deal with the usual stuff but with the kids around. Maybe, if it's pretty, we might go to the park. I said MAYBE.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Sunday Afternoon
Is it not time for school to start yet? Why do people love being around their kids (roughly the same ages as mine) while all I want to do is be away from them from time to time? I adore them but there are times I just honestly can't deal with them.
I got some good friends. My best friend said, "There is this woman at church. She deals with special needs kids all day long." The woman works like in a program where the next step for the kids is juvenile hall, so it's school but at the same time, it's more than that. I might be wrong about that but this is my understanding. The three of us stood around talking about the boys and me. She said, "You know what is wrong with you all. But because it's your kids, they don't want to listen to you. You have a good understanding about what you think your problem is and you have basically identified the problem. Now it's just a wait. I'll be over some time this week to spend an hour with you and the kids. Have you thought that maybe some of Elmo's problems might be food allergies?" I had Naruto allergy tested at Hastings but never heard back about it. But Elmo was not with me when we had that appointment or he would have been done as well. She also thought that maybe my stress hives are more food allergy related than to just stress. Stress could be part of the problem but it could be a small part of it. After Naruto was born, I was allergy tested and allergic to all the usual: dust, mold, etc. "But a lot of what we eat is mold. Did you know that there is a mold on foods as simple as grapes?" Now here comes the lack of money and insurance part: I have to wait to see where I can get tested for food allergies. But start a food diary to see if I can pinpoint times when the hives are at their worst with some of the foods that I eat a lot of.
Naruto and Elmo let me get a catnap today. I really needed to go to the gym but I had no energy for it. I have to go back on Monday. It's been three days since I went and I'm going to feel it tomorrow. But it has been months since I did anything so I can't hurt any worse than that. But Naruto found some of the hidden Naruto/Yuiguioh/Pokemon cards which I had hidden from him since I had to constantly pick them up. They did tear up the house but they had to pick it up. All I had to do was point and yell. I know yelling is not good but still, when you have no fuse, it's either yell or strangle. I've been avoiding the strangle thoughts. Naruto and Elmo are not that bad; they have been through the wringer over the past two plus years.
Podiatrist said that I was going to have a year with them. She was so right. She should know. She lives with two auties herself (and probably her husband the podiatrist as well is autistic). I really have good friends: The World's Best Mom, the Podiatrist, the Sped Teacher, the Sweetest Grandma who adopted us. I do not know how I managed to survive in a world of hell that the Drug Addict forced me to live in without friends.
Naruto and Elmo need me and I have a sink full of dishes waiting on me to deal with. I hate dishes. I hate housework. I made a bowl of soup today with nothing but veggies out of cans. I washed them off like the podiatrist told me before putting them in a bowl. No meat so it didn't have to be cooked.
I got some good friends. My best friend said, "There is this woman at church. She deals with special needs kids all day long." The woman works like in a program where the next step for the kids is juvenile hall, so it's school but at the same time, it's more than that. I might be wrong about that but this is my understanding. The three of us stood around talking about the boys and me. She said, "You know what is wrong with you all. But because it's your kids, they don't want to listen to you. You have a good understanding about what you think your problem is and you have basically identified the problem. Now it's just a wait. I'll be over some time this week to spend an hour with you and the kids. Have you thought that maybe some of Elmo's problems might be food allergies?" I had Naruto allergy tested at Hastings but never heard back about it. But Elmo was not with me when we had that appointment or he would have been done as well. She also thought that maybe my stress hives are more food allergy related than to just stress. Stress could be part of the problem but it could be a small part of it. After Naruto was born, I was allergy tested and allergic to all the usual: dust, mold, etc. "But a lot of what we eat is mold. Did you know that there is a mold on foods as simple as grapes?" Now here comes the lack of money and insurance part: I have to wait to see where I can get tested for food allergies. But start a food diary to see if I can pinpoint times when the hives are at their worst with some of the foods that I eat a lot of.
Naruto and Elmo let me get a catnap today. I really needed to go to the gym but I had no energy for it. I have to go back on Monday. It's been three days since I went and I'm going to feel it tomorrow. But it has been months since I did anything so I can't hurt any worse than that. But Naruto found some of the hidden Naruto/Yuiguioh/Pokemon cards which I had hidden from him since I had to constantly pick them up. They did tear up the house but they had to pick it up. All I had to do was point and yell. I know yelling is not good but still, when you have no fuse, it's either yell or strangle. I've been avoiding the strangle thoughts. Naruto and Elmo are not that bad; they have been through the wringer over the past two plus years.
Podiatrist said that I was going to have a year with them. She was so right. She should know. She lives with two auties herself (and probably her husband the podiatrist as well is autistic). I really have good friends: The World's Best Mom, the Podiatrist, the Sped Teacher, the Sweetest Grandma who adopted us. I do not know how I managed to survive in a world of hell that the Drug Addict forced me to live in without friends.
Naruto and Elmo need me and I have a sink full of dishes waiting on me to deal with. I hate dishes. I hate housework. I made a bowl of soup today with nothing but veggies out of cans. I washed them off like the podiatrist told me before putting them in a bowl. No meat so it didn't have to be cooked.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Something good for a change
Well, my girlfriends on a special list I'm on (and you ladies know whom you are) are worried about me being alone. For now, I'm fine. I made a phone call who made a phone call who made a bunch of phone calls. The boys, my biggest headaches while being the loves of my life, went to play with one family. I had six women in my house for two hours. All that I have to do, besides getting Elmo to take a nap which he really needs, is to wash lunch dishes and mop the floor. The science projects in the fridge will be coming out soon and a new soup will be started.
Problem with the Indian Commodities, while basically nutritionally sound, it's full of starches and salt. I have a problem with the salt intake. One doc, a good friend who just happens to be a poditrist, told me that I need to wash all the salt off the veggies. That I can do but I like to dump the can of veggies into the crock pot and turn it on. No more. It's not a bad problem, not like the mooch's gout which was often out of control based on salt and pork, but I am not in the mood for a problem like the mooch. The Cherokee Nation is trying to improve the quality of life and reduce the numbers of Adult diabetics in the nation. Less starches, no light Karo syrup, more veggie choices (potatoes, onions, and carrots). I know that lettuce doesn't last that long but still, it would help. I can't eat 12 pounds of carrots that I have to peel myself. Did you know that my middle name is Lazy?
Where does Naruto find all the nails/screws that he brought with him and decided that he could use his tball bat to hammer them into the walls? He said that he got them at the family's house. He paid 50 cents for nails which are like FIVE inches long. He knows about garage sales. We like to spend a few hours on Saturday morning seeing what is out there (and buying nothing).
For now, the crisis is on the backburner. CPS is still not amused but the house is clean. I even got the chair and the bar stool out of the storage unit. Now I still have to find the one part of the bar stool that is missing. I got new screws to put into them that are neater than the ones that they have in them.
Because Naruto and Elmo can't do anything besides watch tv, mama discombooberated the cable box from the TV. Wouldn't you know that Elmo didn't destroy the DVD player in my room either when I thought he had? This is good. Now I can put them to bed and then watch DVDs in my bed after Elmo goes to sleep on MY bed or the couch. I wonder if the wireless thingamajig will allow me to be online in my room so I can watch tv while on the computer. How far in does this thing go? I have a lot of it sticking out. But if it works, it works. Who can I complain about it working to? No one.
Time to get busy on the kitchen floor and in the fridge. The house looks good. Now if I can keep Naruto's hands off things he doesn't need to handle. We'd all be a lot happier.
Problem with the Indian Commodities, while basically nutritionally sound, it's full of starches and salt. I have a problem with the salt intake. One doc, a good friend who just happens to be a poditrist, told me that I need to wash all the salt off the veggies. That I can do but I like to dump the can of veggies into the crock pot and turn it on. No more. It's not a bad problem, not like the mooch's gout which was often out of control based on salt and pork, but I am not in the mood for a problem like the mooch. The Cherokee Nation is trying to improve the quality of life and reduce the numbers of Adult diabetics in the nation. Less starches, no light Karo syrup, more veggie choices (potatoes, onions, and carrots). I know that lettuce doesn't last that long but still, it would help. I can't eat 12 pounds of carrots that I have to peel myself. Did you know that my middle name is Lazy?
Where does Naruto find all the nails/screws that he brought with him and decided that he could use his tball bat to hammer them into the walls? He said that he got them at the family's house. He paid 50 cents for nails which are like FIVE inches long. He knows about garage sales. We like to spend a few hours on Saturday morning seeing what is out there (and buying nothing).
For now, the crisis is on the backburner. CPS is still not amused but the house is clean. I even got the chair and the bar stool out of the storage unit. Now I still have to find the one part of the bar stool that is missing. I got new screws to put into them that are neater than the ones that they have in them.
Because Naruto and Elmo can't do anything besides watch tv, mama discombooberated the cable box from the TV. Wouldn't you know that Elmo didn't destroy the DVD player in my room either when I thought he had? This is good. Now I can put them to bed and then watch DVDs in my bed after Elmo goes to sleep on MY bed or the couch. I wonder if the wireless thingamajig will allow me to be online in my room so I can watch tv while on the computer. How far in does this thing go? I have a lot of it sticking out. But if it works, it works. Who can I complain about it working to? No one.
Time to get busy on the kitchen floor and in the fridge. The house looks good. Now if I can keep Naruto's hands off things he doesn't need to handle. We'd all be a lot happier.
Friday, July 6, 2007
What can go wrong now?
Why does it take people forever when you are in desparate need of some mental help? "We don't have any openings in our schedule for pro-bono psych help for four to six months." I can not keep it together for that time. "It's late on Friday afternoon. If you go to ER, they can get you admitted into an inpatient program." What part of I have Naruto and Elmo to take care of do they not understand? I can't wait forever but I finally got someone to say that they will see what they can do on Monday. I just have to survive until then. The meds that the semi-free clinic gave me but they aren't any good. Taken them. Did nothing. Can't afford them so I quit taking them.
Meanwhile, I'm yelling at Elmo cause I can't hang up the phone on a "crisis" place. Did you know that you can only have crises between 9am and 11 am and then between 1pm and 3pm on M-F? Elmo wants pancakes, which I have frozen in the freezer but I can't make pancakes and talk on the phone at the same time. So someone at this stupid crisis places calls CPS.
My living room has food open all around it, thanks to Naruto. He is busy eating peanut butter with a pair of scissors that were put up two weeks ago because he has the right to cut anything then he decides he can eat the peanut butter with his fingers. I gave him a spoon. Now I have CPS out here during all of this. Naruto thinks he is the person who is the boss of this family. The drug addict who used to be a part of the family really did a number on me, Naruto and Elmo. Naruto doesn't understand that he shouldn't cook. He doesn't understand that he needs to get me up to cook him a meal. He doesn't want to wait for me to cook him a meal. There is plenty of food for him to eat in fridge: boiled eggs, bread, butter, cheese. Nope, he wants what he can't have. He climbs everywhere to get it. Now I'm missing part of a bar stool that I had in my room (it needs parts) with a fan on it.
The house has to get clean. I'm too depressed, honestly, to deal with it. My girlfriends at church are out on dates with spouses and don't understand the hell I've been in. I can't loose Naruto and Elmo again. They are the reason I get up in the morning. They are the reason that I have food in the house and clean clothes. I will be so lost without them again.
ALL I NEED IS SOMEONE TO GET OFF THEIR ASSES TO HELP ME GET THE PSYCH HELP I AM DESPARATE FOR. But it's too late to have a crisis. No one is there at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon to help someone who is in need of some help.
Maybe I can get into a place at Muskogee on Monday in the afternoon. Maybe someone at Prodigy can get off their butts and see what they can do to squeeze me in. I've only been asking for help for almost three weeks. I can't wait much longer. Maybe these meds I got from the semi-free clinic will help me until Monday. I can only hope.
Meanwhile, I'm yelling at Elmo cause I can't hang up the phone on a "crisis" place. Did you know that you can only have crises between 9am and 11 am and then between 1pm and 3pm on M-F? Elmo wants pancakes, which I have frozen in the freezer but I can't make pancakes and talk on the phone at the same time. So someone at this stupid crisis places calls CPS.
My living room has food open all around it, thanks to Naruto. He is busy eating peanut butter with a pair of scissors that were put up two weeks ago because he has the right to cut anything then he decides he can eat the peanut butter with his fingers. I gave him a spoon. Now I have CPS out here during all of this. Naruto thinks he is the person who is the boss of this family. The drug addict who used to be a part of the family really did a number on me, Naruto and Elmo. Naruto doesn't understand that he shouldn't cook. He doesn't understand that he needs to get me up to cook him a meal. He doesn't want to wait for me to cook him a meal. There is plenty of food for him to eat in fridge: boiled eggs, bread, butter, cheese. Nope, he wants what he can't have. He climbs everywhere to get it. Now I'm missing part of a bar stool that I had in my room (it needs parts) with a fan on it.
The house has to get clean. I'm too depressed, honestly, to deal with it. My girlfriends at church are out on dates with spouses and don't understand the hell I've been in. I can't loose Naruto and Elmo again. They are the reason I get up in the morning. They are the reason that I have food in the house and clean clothes. I will be so lost without them again.
ALL I NEED IS SOMEONE TO GET OFF THEIR ASSES TO HELP ME GET THE PSYCH HELP I AM DESPARATE FOR. But it's too late to have a crisis. No one is there at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon to help someone who is in need of some help.
Maybe I can get into a place at Muskogee on Monday in the afternoon. Maybe someone at Prodigy can get off their butts and see what they can do to squeeze me in. I've only been asking for help for almost three weeks. I can't wait much longer. Maybe these meds I got from the semi-free clinic will help me until Monday. I can only hope.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Time to Get off my *Klingon word removed* and get stuff off my chest
Ok. All my friends say that this is theuraputic and I know it was when I was doing this a long time ago and in a galaxy (and another blog) far far away. Now if I could remember the dang password, I would be using it. But since I don't, I'm stuck getting a new one.
Right now, I have some big problems. I'm going insane, literally. I'm stuck waiting on someone to get back with me so that I can get the help that I need. Not only do I need help and not getting some, the Twerp is needing them as well. The Punk is getting help but it's not for us all. I think that I'm bipolar and since I'm not on meds, my mood swings are horrible. My temper is constantly going...well, until the kids go to bed. Then I can turn it onto the computer or the tv or appliances that are not working correctly. I'm so depressed that I want to sleep all day long, but because of the Punk and the Twerp, I do get up and take care of them. Taking care of them means that I do eat and have clean clothes. I could care less if I have a bath.
My entire life is a waiting game. I'm waiting on the fight to start with the SSA. Well, part two of the fight with those dummies. I am still waiting, SSA, for the $7k that you owe Punk. This family would be living better if I had it coming, you know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take the $900 out that we still owe you and give us the rest of the money. This is not a plea, but I have to get his money coming in. $650 a month does not pay even part of the bills. I have one more paycheck and then I have to start drawing the unemployment. Oh, and while we are at it, SSA, my kids have big problems. I need to stay home with them. When your medical bills are as big as mine, I need the medicaid to pay for them. Well, pay what you will for them, anyway.
And ASSHOLE, you need to die!!!!!!!!!! I hope you felt every punch on the punching bag that I did on Tuesday night when I was at kickboxing. It was a help but man am I sore. Then they had to close yesterday. I really needed to go. You can plan on dying on a regular basis there. Your kids do not need you, but they could live better on the death benefits once you croak. I do not care if you spend every penny you have on drugs and your crack ho. It only helps you to kill yourself faster, which means you are out of our lives even faster. That means that I can do whatever I want to do about all our names...which means that they will be changed and YOU CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I rule. You smoke/shoot up/who cares how you do it and then die as fast as you can.
I hope that this does help me. I'm tired of shit. I'm tired of living on nothing because the SSA is sitting on their ass about Punk's child support. GET OFF YOUR ASS, SSA. All he needs you to do is to click on something but you can't get the person who is supposed to do it to do it.
Right now, I have some big problems. I'm going insane, literally. I'm stuck waiting on someone to get back with me so that I can get the help that I need. Not only do I need help and not getting some, the Twerp is needing them as well. The Punk is getting help but it's not for us all. I think that I'm bipolar and since I'm not on meds, my mood swings are horrible. My temper is constantly going...well, until the kids go to bed. Then I can turn it onto the computer or the tv or appliances that are not working correctly. I'm so depressed that I want to sleep all day long, but because of the Punk and the Twerp, I do get up and take care of them. Taking care of them means that I do eat and have clean clothes. I could care less if I have a bath.
My entire life is a waiting game. I'm waiting on the fight to start with the SSA. Well, part two of the fight with those dummies. I am still waiting, SSA, for the $7k that you owe Punk. This family would be living better if I had it coming, you know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take the $900 out that we still owe you and give us the rest of the money. This is not a plea, but I have to get his money coming in. $650 a month does not pay even part of the bills. I have one more paycheck and then I have to start drawing the unemployment. Oh, and while we are at it, SSA, my kids have big problems. I need to stay home with them. When your medical bills are as big as mine, I need the medicaid to pay for them. Well, pay what you will for them, anyway.
And ASSHOLE, you need to die!!!!!!!!!! I hope you felt every punch on the punching bag that I did on Tuesday night when I was at kickboxing. It was a help but man am I sore. Then they had to close yesterday. I really needed to go. You can plan on dying on a regular basis there. Your kids do not need you, but they could live better on the death benefits once you croak. I do not care if you spend every penny you have on drugs and your crack ho. It only helps you to kill yourself faster, which means you are out of our lives even faster. That means that I can do whatever I want to do about all our names...which means that they will be changed and YOU CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I rule. You smoke/shoot up/who cares how you do it and then die as fast as you can.
I hope that this does help me. I'm tired of shit. I'm tired of living on nothing because the SSA is sitting on their ass about Punk's child support. GET OFF YOUR ASS, SSA. All he needs you to do is to click on something but you can't get the person who is supposed to do it to do it.
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