Finally, I got some answers!!!

I went to the intake today. Before I left, I had been diagnosed as being bipolar. Some of the symptoms have been present with me since I was a teenager, which most bipolars get diagnosed instead of at 39. When I asked about why I didn't get the diagnosis until I was older, the therapist said that I was going through a lot of hormonal changes like a lot of tweens and teenagers. My teenage years were miserable for me. I cried myself to sleep at least six nights a month. Back to today: she also said that I was living a life full of stress that most people never seen in their entire lifetime. I told there that there was a lot of pressure on me to go back to work. I can't work. I'm so laid back most days and depressed but then I go manic. SIL said that it takes years to get the meds correct. I told her that most of the depression meds I have taken aren't working. Wouldn't you know that it only takes care of HALF of the problem. It can help but you have to treat both sides of the disorder instead of just one as they have been doing.

That got me some answers I need as well as a reason why I am not able to get a job now. I knew that I was bipolar but no one would listen to me. CHUBS told me that I was a hypocondriac. EXCUSE ME BUT I HAVE AN EXPERT BACKING ME UP, CHUBS. I hope to have an appointment to see a doc for meds on July 31st. I hope so because if I don't have SoonerCare on the first, I'm going to be screwed for some time. Some of those drugs have horrible side effects and I don't want to be spending big bucks for drugs only to have to spend more on drugs a week later because the first bunch didn't work. Repeat this several times over a four month period...I'll be out some big bucks for meds. I do not have big bucks. I am not working. *SIGH* But this has given me some answers why I am such a procrastinator.

Naruto and Elmo are home for a day tomorrow. I can't have them home on Thursday. I have too much to do. I need to see if CUZ can take Elmo tomorrow so I can take Naruto for serious med changes without the interruption from Elmo. I need to call CUZ tomorrow early. Let Elmo play with his cousins. I'm just about to have to carry Naruto and put him in for inpatient services to get his meds straightened out.

I have got to get a new breadmaker. The one I got a month ago from a friend has died. Fortunately, bread was on sale this week at Reasors so I got four loaves. I put three of them in the freezer. Naruto and Elmo don't eat my homemade bread so I have to have some for them in the freezer. I guess I have it made. I get homemade bread and they get frozen (and thawed out) bread. Which would you rather eat?

Since Pilates had been cancelled for tonight, I didn't go to the gym. Machines are ok, but not what I want to do. Missed the 1530 class but she's one of the "advanced" ones, not for someone as out of shape as I am. Now, tomorrow night is step aerobics since there is nothing I want to do. I'm not ready for belly dancing. I'm all belly; maybe when I loose some of this belly. If I want to loose the belly, I need to loose the eat everything in sight attitude I have. Comfort eating. Not good.

I got the lawn mowed today. It was on the verge of the "start to get out of hand" phase but not there yet. I think we've had rain ten days this month, and more rain than most people remember in a long time back. It's been a really nice cool summer but the bugs....they are horrible. I am about to have to call someone to come in and spray. All sorts of bugs. I won't name them here, but a lot of flies. Baby flies. I hope that I don't have to start carrying the garbage out every night. I just have to get a new house to live on, preferably one that I own with a bank. There is one two doors down from CUZ which has a reasonable WITH APPROVED CREDIT $255 a month. I wonder what is wrong with it and how much it would cost me to fix. I suspect that its smaller than this house. This house is small, but it's not mine. Too many problems that the landlady will not fix. She won't touch them. She's rich. Why should she worry about a po person like me? She doesn't, I can assure you.

I'm finished grumping/going over stuff in my head. I have to bring in four cases of cokes and put a load in the dryer. What a day!!!!!!!!!!!!!