Naruto hasn't been sleeping. He and I were up at 1am. I gave him all of his meds when I sent him to bed at 2000. Nothing. Not a minute of sleep. I want my bed back. I want it back from both him and Elmo. "Just get in my bed." Within minutes, he was out cold. Then the fight to get him up and then an even bigger one to get him on the bus. "That is it. I quit." "Naruto, you can't quit. You have to go to school until you are 21 or you graduate, whichever comes first." Legally, the school district is responsible for all kids, especially special needs kids, from 3-21. Since he would argue at 18 that he can now quit, months before he graduates, I had to make it 21. I might keep him in school until he is 21 so that we can optimize his education.
I talked on the phone yesterday with Knits ALot for two hours. She told me that FireRat14 was having some big issues with everything. School. Church. Life. We talked about their upcoming retreat with all the people and started making a plan. The plan might work but it will work better for FireRat then the others have been. She decided on a plan of action and started it. While FireRat14 won't see the doctor before March of next year, Knits said that she could deal with FireRat's issues until then because the therapist was THAT GOOD. Knits found out that DS1 could get speech therapy which he needs. I also suggested to her that she get DS1 evaluated like FireRat. He's got problems while not as bad as FireRat's, they haven't come out like hers have. He's not as old as she is either. I suspect that he's 10/11 to her 14.
Last night was Bingo night at Naruto's school. $5.25 lighter....they had fun. Two pieces of pizza each ($1 each), 2 Sam's Choice pops ($0.50 each), and one bingo card we used over and over ($0.25)...lots of fun. We would have stayed longer but Elmo was bored. He can't play Bingo. He doesn't understand. I really like Naruto's principal. She said that they really enjoy having him at school. "You'll have Elmo next year." "He'll be in Prek?" There is the size factor again. He's so tiny. He is the size of a 3 year old. "He's going to Cherokee for their developmentally delayed PK." I got a look of confusion before she realized that he's older than he looks. Now I need to start the fight with the transportation department to get Elmo a carseat on the bus.
I just called the transportation department. No answer. Do I wait for the IEP meeting for Elmo or do I start the fight? Do I call the Board of Education and start requesting it? Do I talk to someone in the Super's office? Do I wait until the bus is in an accident and something happens to Elmo? They have a really nice guy as the bus driver. He's cautious, I will give him that. But there are other idiots on the road. Elmo and Naruto are my most prized possessions...if you can call them that. They are what I value the most. I might be money poor, but I'm very love rich.
One of the best things about the Tahlequah Public Schools is that they literally have an Elementary/Middle school time and then a high school time. PK goes from 0810-1430. K-8 goes from 0810 to 1510 every day. High school goes from 0830-1530. The high school is no where near the elementary schools but I'm not sure about the middle school. They run two bus schedules as well. If Elmo and Naruto rode the regular school bus, they would be on the bus with kids from K-8th grades. Elmo would ride the PK bus. I rode the bus from third grade to graduation with all grades on it. I was 18 and riding the same bus with 5 year olds. When I was in the third grade, that was very stressful to me. I never mentioned it to the parents but they would never have understood my problems. I watched a lot of kids grow up on that bus. But this is better. Much better.
The SSA appointment could have gone better. I got the report that she wrote for CPS and the courts. I didn't realize I have an IQ of 90. I was told that it was 143 when I was tested in the 7th grade. She never did an IQ test on me then, but it was there. When I was seen about being autistic, I went through two hours of IQ testing. I'm very bright. Right now, I don't care what the idiot says. I know what I am. I know what MG and Dr J say. She didn't know what had changed from Jan to August. I still think that she doesn't get it and will tell the SSA that. I was manic. I was glad when I got the hell out of there so I could take my meds so I could feel better. I don't like that feeling. I felt so out of control. Stress was going to get to me. How in the world did I survive all the hell I've been through without knowing the bipolar diagnosis? How did I survive without the meds?
Elmo and Naruto have been really good about the DVD recorder in the living room. Elmo doesn't understand that he just can't open it up and take out the DVD. But Naruto doesn't bother it much. I don't mind the "play" button being pushed, but it's the concept. I hope I can get into the storage unit. It's time for them to get back their game systems. But I will not tell them until I get them out. They can go back in there if Naruto insists on playing it at all hours of the day and night. They have been really good with their computer. IF Elmo would leave the monitor menus alone, it will be much better. But that is an Elmo issue. He doesn't get to play on it. Naruto dominates it. I might need to change Elmo's times so that he can get an hour here and there. They love the Cars game!!
Can I say I'm glad that school is back in session? Inspite of the fight with Naruto almost every morning over "do I have to go?", "I want to go to Elmo's school.", "I hate Ms P.", I am so happy. Elmo loves to go. Naruto doesn't want to go because it is back to the routine. Regression yelling so loudly. I think once he is there, he really enjoys it but it's getting him there that is the problem. Weekends are the worst times for us. No school. Too much togetherness. I look forward to being home alone. I look forward to them coming home. But by Sunday afternoon, I'm ready to scream. Thank goodness for the relief meds that Dr J got me. I will definately need them on Sunday afternoon. Might need them on Saturday as well. I'll take it tomorrow at noon and see how I do.
I need to get to the gym. I haven't been this week. I haven't felt good. This heat is killing me. Draining me. Dealing with Naruto and Elmo while there is getting to me. I love to go. I enjoy myself when I'm there. It's just the sick feeling. Monday night's dinner sat on my stomach heavily. It was horrible. Maybe I need to go around 1300. Then I'd have no kids. It's still the heat of the day, but some of the stress/dread won't be there.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Feeling better but....
Today, things are doing well. Dr J said so. MG said the same thing. Today was my therapy day. I'm able to do some problem solving on a small scale. I got a shoe rack from my BF and then I bought one for me at Walmart yesterday. I put the shoes in them. I found more floor space. It was nice. Now I can hopefully find a pair of shoes for Elijah.
But I didn't take my meds today. I have an appointment with the SSA shrink tomorrow and I have to be manic for that. Then after I'm finished, I'll be taking the meds so that I can feel better. I am out of my mind. My temper is flaring bad. I want to scream at Naruto and Elmo. I'm talking rapidly and manically. The things you have to do to get the US government to declare you as being disabled. I hate these feelings. I have too much to do and I'm getting it done because I'm manic.
Elmo's meds are doing better. He's more goal oriented instead of just moving. But they need to be a hair stronger. I have to get a bottle for the school to give them correctly. But Dr J is right. He is actually acting better. Last night, he had a rough night. He screamed for almost an hour because he was overtired and Naruto was not acting right either. Finally, he did settle down after Naruto went to bed. But that is not normal. He really needs to sleep during nap time.
Naruto lost his second front tooth. The Tooth Fairy is leaving him some Yui-Gi-Oh cards. Thank goodness she bought three sets of the cards when she left them for me to distribute. They are cheap, thank goodness. He loves them. What more does he need? Grandma was glad to hear about it, even though I was crazy sounding.
I got to get my disability. Dr. J said that I need to be off work for a couple of years. I really like being off work. I like not having the kids at home all the time. I like being able to play Runescape all day if I want to. I have never had the opportunity to just be a permanent stay at home mom. Six months after Elmo was born was nice but I always knew that I had to go back to work. Maybe in two years, I will want to go back to work, but for now, I can't deal with crap. Not the littlest bit of crap.
I saw Danny on Saturday. He looks bad. Mr M said that he didn't think that Danny was going to be around much longer. I really do miss that little boy. I really can't say he's little because he's 12 and getting tall. Mr M also said that he has yet to go to school. They haven't even met his new para. They lost the best para they had because of Mr Ryalls, and Mr M knows it. Danny missed over half of the year last year. That was normal for him. I was able to give him the Thomas the Tank book on tape that we got at the TPS open house. They have it but they can always use a second or third copy of a Thomas book.
But I didn't take my meds today. I have an appointment with the SSA shrink tomorrow and I have to be manic for that. Then after I'm finished, I'll be taking the meds so that I can feel better. I am out of my mind. My temper is flaring bad. I want to scream at Naruto and Elmo. I'm talking rapidly and manically. The things you have to do to get the US government to declare you as being disabled. I hate these feelings. I have too much to do and I'm getting it done because I'm manic.
Elmo's meds are doing better. He's more goal oriented instead of just moving. But they need to be a hair stronger. I have to get a bottle for the school to give them correctly. But Dr J is right. He is actually acting better. Last night, he had a rough night. He screamed for almost an hour because he was overtired and Naruto was not acting right either. Finally, he did settle down after Naruto went to bed. But that is not normal. He really needs to sleep during nap time.
Naruto lost his second front tooth. The Tooth Fairy is leaving him some Yui-Gi-Oh cards. Thank goodness she bought three sets of the cards when she left them for me to distribute. They are cheap, thank goodness. He loves them. What more does he need? Grandma was glad to hear about it, even though I was crazy sounding.
I got to get my disability. Dr. J said that I need to be off work for a couple of years. I really like being off work. I like not having the kids at home all the time. I like being able to play Runescape all day if I want to. I have never had the opportunity to just be a permanent stay at home mom. Six months after Elmo was born was nice but I always knew that I had to go back to work. Maybe in two years, I will want to go back to work, but for now, I can't deal with crap. Not the littlest bit of crap.
I saw Danny on Saturday. He looks bad. Mr M said that he didn't think that Danny was going to be around much longer. I really do miss that little boy. I really can't say he's little because he's 12 and getting tall. Mr M also said that he has yet to go to school. They haven't even met his new para. They lost the best para they had because of Mr Ryalls, and Mr M knows it. Danny missed over half of the year last year. That was normal for him. I was able to give him the Thomas the Tank book on tape that we got at the TPS open house. They have it but they can always use a second or third copy of a Thomas book.
Friday, August 17, 2007
One Problem Solved
Well, I signed another six month lease on the POS that we are currently living in. Logically, I want to buy a house since I'm planning on staying here for a long time, but to be truthful, the time and money are not right. Since I'm not working and money is not coming in as it should, I really do not want to tie myself up like I did in Hellhole too early. I could every easily get Bro to get me a house but I do not want to screw up his credit because I could not make the payments.
I saw a medical doc yesterday for my "can I work" for the SSA. I'm not sure he was convinced. "Have you had 50 insulin reactions over the past five years?" Well, I've had 20 that I am sure of while driving. Then I've had six visits to ER over the past year for that reason. That is that one year alone. Most of them over a three month period. I've had ambulance visits. I missed 30 plus days of the 2005-2006 school year because of insulin reactions. I guess I did have them. Let's hope he is convinced.
Everyone at Prodigy has said that they have seen big improvements in my moods/attitudes since I first walked in there. My therapist said that she finally heard me laugh. Elmo's said that I'm more interactive with him and not so on edge. Dr J said the same thing. MG said that psychology/psychiatry has come a long way in 20 years as well has the meds given to combat these problems. I'll say. I take one pill while SIL takes a handful every night. I have some meds to help when my stress level is at its greatest: weekends and holidays when the twerps are home and fighting. AT said that Elmo seemed more focused then she had ever seen him. The meds are working for him as well. Now if we can get Naruto's meds right.
Naruto is going to be in Naruto heaven this weekend. This weekend, Cartoon Network is showing every episode of Naruto ever made. All 100 of them. I got DVD recorder just for this one purpose, but I do know that I can now record other shows/movies for the twerps to see over and over and over, like the Pokemon movies. Those things are $15 each at Walmart and/or Amazon.com. That can add up. I'm going to take them to my computer and make several copies when this thing is over. They can destroy a movie in no time. I can fix them but it is going to be a permanent problem.
I set up their computer. I love Vista. I created two accounts and took over the Administration account. They have very limited time on their computer. Aharon can not get on it at 2am. It is set up only for specific hours, like 3-4 and then 5-7, M-F. Then on the weekends, they have two more hours each day. My account is password protected. Theirs isn't. Even if it was, I could easily overwrite it and get into it. If I have time today, which I might not, get it online. I'm not sure if that is what I'm really ready for. I know that they can't download anything. I have set up so that they can only play educational games...or as the computer put it, edutament. ANYTHING to help them out in school.
We got a mouse. I know of one but where there is one, there are more. I'm going to set out some traps while the kids are at school. I almost picked him up yesterday. GROSS!!!!!!!!! I was busy looking for pictures for the family theme for Elmo. I even included one of me when I was four. That was the only picture I have of myself when I was small. Oh, well. Back to the mouse. I got some plastic gloves to get rid of him as well. He's as good as dead.
Naruto is up. We are both enjoying the Naruto Hundo. I'm hungry. Too early for breakfast but then again, it's too early to be hungry.
I saw a medical doc yesterday for my "can I work" for the SSA. I'm not sure he was convinced. "Have you had 50 insulin reactions over the past five years?" Well, I've had 20 that I am sure of while driving. Then I've had six visits to ER over the past year for that reason. That is that one year alone. Most of them over a three month period. I've had ambulance visits. I missed 30 plus days of the 2005-2006 school year because of insulin reactions. I guess I did have them. Let's hope he is convinced.
Everyone at Prodigy has said that they have seen big improvements in my moods/attitudes since I first walked in there. My therapist said that she finally heard me laugh. Elmo's said that I'm more interactive with him and not so on edge. Dr J said the same thing. MG said that psychology/psychiatry has come a long way in 20 years as well has the meds given to combat these problems. I'll say. I take one pill while SIL takes a handful every night. I have some meds to help when my stress level is at its greatest: weekends and holidays when the twerps are home and fighting. AT said that Elmo seemed more focused then she had ever seen him. The meds are working for him as well. Now if we can get Naruto's meds right.
Naruto is going to be in Naruto heaven this weekend. This weekend, Cartoon Network is showing every episode of Naruto ever made. All 100 of them. I got DVD recorder just for this one purpose, but I do know that I can now record other shows/movies for the twerps to see over and over and over, like the Pokemon movies. Those things are $15 each at Walmart and/or Amazon.com. That can add up. I'm going to take them to my computer and make several copies when this thing is over. They can destroy a movie in no time. I can fix them but it is going to be a permanent problem.
I set up their computer. I love Vista. I created two accounts and took over the Administration account. They have very limited time on their computer. Aharon can not get on it at 2am. It is set up only for specific hours, like 3-4 and then 5-7, M-F. Then on the weekends, they have two more hours each day. My account is password protected. Theirs isn't. Even if it was, I could easily overwrite it and get into it. If I have time today, which I might not, get it online. I'm not sure if that is what I'm really ready for. I know that they can't download anything. I have set up so that they can only play educational games...or as the computer put it, edutament. ANYTHING to help them out in school.
We got a mouse. I know of one but where there is one, there are more. I'm going to set out some traps while the kids are at school. I almost picked him up yesterday. GROSS!!!!!!!!! I was busy looking for pictures for the family theme for Elmo. I even included one of me when I was four. That was the only picture I have of myself when I was small. Oh, well. Back to the mouse. I got some plastic gloves to get rid of him as well. He's as good as dead.
Naruto is up. We are both enjoying the Naruto Hundo. I'm hungry. Too early for breakfast but then again, it's too early to be hungry.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
What next?
Today I was told by the pest control dude that the house I was hoping to move into at the start of the month has been sold. I just hope that I can either find a new place to live or stay here another six months. Even though it will kill me, we can stay here another six months. I will just start all over from scratch for the food stores.
I finally got Elmo on ADHD meds. That kid showed out perfectly today for Dr J. She was busy typing up the DX that the Tahlequah Public Schools wants to provide services for Elmo. Naruto had his DX when he started last year, not to mention the IEP from Drew Central didn't hurt either. They had to provide services from the start. Elmo's IEP lists only speech therapy at 2x a week for a grand total of one hour. No one wants to provide services without a DX. Take that you *Klingon cuss words removed* folks at TPS. I hate that IEP that was written when he was in foster care. They don't know squat about my Elmo.
Dr J told me that I have the equivalent of two 2 year olds. I thought of Naruto as being a 3 year old but he's two. I believe it. Most of the time, he's such a baby. There are a few minutes when he is five, but that is when he's doing as I tell him. "I need you to fold the towels." "I need you to vacuum the floor." "Where do your clothes go?" "Can you start the bathwater?" But for the most part, I know Dr J is right. Naruto is still young so that might change. She wondered how I managed. Once everyone's meds, mine included, were working that we can start to determine how much of the problem behavior is due to the handicap and how much can be changed with behavior modification.
The Therapist and I had a good discussion today. Someone said something funny and I laughed. She told me that the meds were working. That was the first time that she had ever heard me laugh. Honestly, for the first time in a very long time, I'm honestly happy. I am happy with my bro and family but this is an honest happy. She also told me that the kids were lucky to have me for a mom because I knew that there is no such thing as a "miracle pill" to solve all their behavior problems. I have been there, done that, and survived. Having 30 hours of Special education on a master's level isn't hurting either.
This lack of housing starting next month is really bothering me. I do not want to have to put my freezer into someone's garage for a month (or longer) if I can help it. I like having a stove, even though I hate to use it. I like having my space and not sharing a bed with everyone, even though Naruto and Elmo don't start out there.
Tomorrow, I am going to have to spend the morning in bed. I'm exhausted. Three hours of sleep on Friday morning and then on Monday morning is not enough. I normally get around 6 hours a night. I could get more if I would just go to bed, but I enjoy the cartoons and the company on Runescape too much. Oh, well. I will keep Elmo with me after therapy tomorrow since all he'd miss is naptime. He doesn't nap. I should have probably kept him with me today but I needed some space. Tomorrow, I'll be prepared to keep him with me. I'll take Naruto back to school and he'll ride the bus home. I really am glad that I insisted that the kids take the bus.
I finally got Elmo on ADHD meds. That kid showed out perfectly today for Dr J. She was busy typing up the DX that the Tahlequah Public Schools wants to provide services for Elmo. Naruto had his DX when he started last year, not to mention the IEP from Drew Central didn't hurt either. They had to provide services from the start. Elmo's IEP lists only speech therapy at 2x a week for a grand total of one hour. No one wants to provide services without a DX. Take that you *Klingon cuss words removed* folks at TPS. I hate that IEP that was written when he was in foster care. They don't know squat about my Elmo.
Dr J told me that I have the equivalent of two 2 year olds. I thought of Naruto as being a 3 year old but he's two. I believe it. Most of the time, he's such a baby. There are a few minutes when he is five, but that is when he's doing as I tell him. "I need you to fold the towels." "I need you to vacuum the floor." "Where do your clothes go?" "Can you start the bathwater?" But for the most part, I know Dr J is right. Naruto is still young so that might change. She wondered how I managed. Once everyone's meds, mine included, were working that we can start to determine how much of the problem behavior is due to the handicap and how much can be changed with behavior modification.
The Therapist and I had a good discussion today. Someone said something funny and I laughed. She told me that the meds were working. That was the first time that she had ever heard me laugh. Honestly, for the first time in a very long time, I'm honestly happy. I am happy with my bro and family but this is an honest happy. She also told me that the kids were lucky to have me for a mom because I knew that there is no such thing as a "miracle pill" to solve all their behavior problems. I have been there, done that, and survived. Having 30 hours of Special education on a master's level isn't hurting either.
This lack of housing starting next month is really bothering me. I do not want to have to put my freezer into someone's garage for a month (or longer) if I can help it. I like having a stove, even though I hate to use it. I like having my space and not sharing a bed with everyone, even though Naruto and Elmo don't start out there.
Tomorrow, I am going to have to spend the morning in bed. I'm exhausted. Three hours of sleep on Friday morning and then on Monday morning is not enough. I normally get around 6 hours a night. I could get more if I would just go to bed, but I enjoy the cartoons and the company on Runescape too much. Oh, well. I will keep Elmo with me after therapy tomorrow since all he'd miss is naptime. He doesn't nap. I should have probably kept him with me today but I needed some space. Tomorrow, I'll be prepared to keep him with me. I'll take Naruto back to school and he'll ride the bus home. I really am glad that I insisted that the kids take the bus.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Finally, more good news on the Subject of Money and other Thoughts
I'm going to be getting Naruto's child support as of September 3, 2007. FINALLY! It only took NINE months, but it's a long cry from getting it taken care of immediately like it took for Elmo. They are only giving me the back child support from when we finally got things taken of...some $2000, nothing like the $3500 plus I got from Elmo's. They owe a lot of money to Naruto.
Now, I'm waiting for Naruto's money but I got two weeks of unemployment to the tune of $298 each. It's supposed to be $324 or something like that. Where is the rest of the money? I didn't say they could take federal income taxes out of it. In Arkansas, they take out 10%, which is $32. The State of Oklahoma took $27, which is less than what they take out in Arkansas. Oh, well. Money is money; it's all desparately needed.
Since they are showing FIFTY hours of Naruto next Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I want to record all (or as many of them) as I can. You can't find Naruto DVDs in the store. The early stuff is just crap but I really have started enjoying this season's Naruto because it's starting to make sense. How many hours (or minutes) does a DVD R record before I have to change one? I would try to remove call the advertising but I am notorious about forgetting to start it for an episode or two and then you have huge gaps in the story line. I got a DVD recorder and a new player for my room. Elmo destroyed the old one in two weeks...but then again, I got a very cheap one because of the Elmo factor.
I cashed one check so we could have money for stuff we need to do around town. The other check is for the bank. I need to pay some bills. I can't decide what I am going to use it for outside of the insurance payment which is due like tomorrow. Well, I'll pay it on Monday. It will be late but still paid. I've had to use a lot of the insurance money to exist around the house. So, better late than never. That will leave around $170 to use to pay bills. I have a lot to pay. I need to pay on the JCP, Dillards, and Dell. Those are the final three bills that need to be paid for the month, but I really want to get rid of them. I think that with Naruto's child support check, I need to pay Medtronics off. That is a given. Then Dillards since it's less than $100. I want to pay off JCP, but I need to put some of the money in the bank. I don't know what I really want to do with the money. With the money coming in from Unemployment and Naruto's child support coming in, we can afford to pay off (or pay more than $25 for JCP and $75 to Dell each month) which will help us pay things off. I still have the car payment but that is something that I need to pay on a monthly basis. The bill is too big to pay off at one time. Actually, the car payment is due tomorrow. Maybe I just need to pay the car. *sigh* We really do need some good stuff. I have enough money left over from the one check I did cash so that I can use it for some time. I think that I'll pay the...I need the Naruto back child support ASAP. I think I'm going to not worry about anything today or I'll be depressed again.
I need a nap. I got five hours of sleep last night, if that much. Naruto had the house in an uproar around 6ish. Might have been 0530. Might have been 0615, but it wasn't later than that. It's every morning. Maybe I need to get to bed around 2300 instead of 0100-0200? It's only a problem on the weekend. Oh, well.
What is it about SITTING on the couch do the kids not understand? They fight when one is laying on the couch, so I am saucing them if I see one even partially laying on the couch, even if the other one has enough room to sit. I think that eventually, that will solve a few fights. I'm just tired of the fights over the couch. They can lay on the floor.
The other thing that I'm going to sauce over is the violation of my personal space: the spare bedroom because of the packing and the good foods that they will scarf up, my bedroom because I need someplace Naruto and Elmo free, the fridge/freezer because they will eat what I need to cook dinner for everyone, and in my computer space. I have so much on the floor around me that they can break something without meaning too. The spare room is covered in boxes. Lots of boxes, some of which are full of heaving stuff. If it's knocked over, Naruto or Elmo can get hurt. I have to have a place to hide stuff as well. I'm tired of fighting over something, like clothes and food like sugared cereals I got yesterday for treats. They would make themselves sick eating it in an hour. Then again, I got some good Special K for me so I have something to eat for breakfast when they are gone. They are selfish because they don't know about thinking ahead but some of it is just simple being selfish. I'm tired of selfish.
I guess I had a lot of stuff to grump about. Maybe my EPM friends were right. This is allowing me to get a lot off my chest while sorting out what I need to sort out. Now if it will just get my disability, we'd all be set for a while.
Now, I'm waiting for Naruto's money but I got two weeks of unemployment to the tune of $298 each. It's supposed to be $324 or something like that. Where is the rest of the money? I didn't say they could take federal income taxes out of it. In Arkansas, they take out 10%, which is $32. The State of Oklahoma took $27, which is less than what they take out in Arkansas. Oh, well. Money is money; it's all desparately needed.
Since they are showing FIFTY hours of Naruto next Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I want to record all (or as many of them) as I can. You can't find Naruto DVDs in the store. The early stuff is just crap but I really have started enjoying this season's Naruto because it's starting to make sense. How many hours (or minutes) does a DVD R record before I have to change one? I would try to remove call the advertising but I am notorious about forgetting to start it for an episode or two and then you have huge gaps in the story line. I got a DVD recorder and a new player for my room. Elmo destroyed the old one in two weeks...but then again, I got a very cheap one because of the Elmo factor.
I cashed one check so we could have money for stuff we need to do around town. The other check is for the bank. I need to pay some bills. I can't decide what I am going to use it for outside of the insurance payment which is due like tomorrow. Well, I'll pay it on Monday. It will be late but still paid. I've had to use a lot of the insurance money to exist around the house. So, better late than never. That will leave around $170 to use to pay bills. I have a lot to pay. I need to pay on the JCP, Dillards, and Dell. Those are the final three bills that need to be paid for the month, but I really want to get rid of them. I think that with Naruto's child support check, I need to pay Medtronics off. That is a given. Then Dillards since it's less than $100. I want to pay off JCP, but I need to put some of the money in the bank. I don't know what I really want to do with the money. With the money coming in from Unemployment and Naruto's child support coming in, we can afford to pay off (or pay more than $25 for JCP and $75 to Dell each month) which will help us pay things off. I still have the car payment but that is something that I need to pay on a monthly basis. The bill is too big to pay off at one time. Actually, the car payment is due tomorrow. Maybe I just need to pay the car. *sigh* We really do need some good stuff. I have enough money left over from the one check I did cash so that I can use it for some time. I think that I'll pay the...I need the Naruto back child support ASAP. I think I'm going to not worry about anything today or I'll be depressed again.
I need a nap. I got five hours of sleep last night, if that much. Naruto had the house in an uproar around 6ish. Might have been 0530. Might have been 0615, but it wasn't later than that. It's every morning. Maybe I need to get to bed around 2300 instead of 0100-0200? It's only a problem on the weekend. Oh, well.
What is it about SITTING on the couch do the kids not understand? They fight when one is laying on the couch, so I am saucing them if I see one even partially laying on the couch, even if the other one has enough room to sit. I think that eventually, that will solve a few fights. I'm just tired of the fights over the couch. They can lay on the floor.
The other thing that I'm going to sauce over is the violation of my personal space: the spare bedroom because of the packing and the good foods that they will scarf up, my bedroom because I need someplace Naruto and Elmo free, the fridge/freezer because they will eat what I need to cook dinner for everyone, and in my computer space. I have so much on the floor around me that they can break something without meaning too. The spare room is covered in boxes. Lots of boxes, some of which are full of heaving stuff. If it's knocked over, Naruto or Elmo can get hurt. I have to have a place to hide stuff as well. I'm tired of fighting over something, like clothes and food like sugared cereals I got yesterday for treats. They would make themselves sick eating it in an hour. Then again, I got some good Special K for me so I have something to eat for breakfast when they are gone. They are selfish because they don't know about thinking ahead but some of it is just simple being selfish. I'm tired of selfish.
I guess I had a lot of stuff to grump about. Maybe my EPM friends were right. This is allowing me to get a lot off my chest while sorting out what I need to sort out. Now if it will just get my disability, we'd all be set for a while.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Getting things done
School has started again. I'm not sure about Elmo's teacher, but I'm just glad that they are out of the house. I love the hours: 0700 to 1500. I have an idea about when they will be coming and going. I just hate the fight about the bus. I wish that they would trust me when it comes to the kids. Elmo hates loud sounds. If he had the mental abilities of a 4 year old, then he could ride the 4 year old bus; but he's got the abilities of a 2 year old. I do not always think that he will be that far behind but for now, that is where he is. Naruto, on the other hand, will always be behind, inspite of his big vocabulary without actually knowing what they mean. He used the word "humiliate" with Dr J correctly but he had no idea what it meant, thanks to Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.
Now it's almost 0200. The entire house is up. Naruto is roaming the house in the middle of the night. He's had six hours of sleep, plus or minus. Elmo is on the couch. I'm up to make sure that Naruto stays in bed. I went to bed early, missing Full Metal Alchemist, but if I'm sleeping in my chair, then it's bedtime. If Naruto would slow down, he'd be asleep with the help of benedryl that I gave him. I hate using it to help him sleep but he's not relaxing, then he won't sleep.
I got some more packing done today. I brought another milk carton home from bro's house and so I added it to one of the stacks. Naruto had peeled off the hot glue that had been keeping it together so I had to put it all back together. I packed two boxes of cereal, two boxes of noodles, instant foods...where on earth did I get so much food? I know, WIC and the food commodities.
When are my checks coming in? The SSA dude from Muskogee called me last Tuesday and said that Naruto's check should be on its way. Ten days later, I have no check. I have no money. I took care of the unemployment problem on Tuesday. I hope to have a check in my hand today. It's not as big as the SSA one but in a house where we have exactly $2 and some change, it will be a big help. Now I can pay the boys' life insurance. How much longer do I have until the policies are bought? I think that I've had them both four years; they are mine/boys' after ten years. It sucks being poor. It sucks raw eggs, but I have the boys. They drive me nuts, but still, I have my boys.
I got to talk to BF today about everything. She said that Elmo's mental age is finally starting to mimic a 2 year old. She also said that since I didn't have a normal childhood in a safe environment that I honestly do not know how a 2 year old is supposed to act. I guess she's right in a way. My parents are not normal. I couldn't pitch fits. I couldn't argue. I had to be quiet. I spent my entire childhood avoiding the beatings and reading. I guess that is why I retreated into books and was an avid reader. She said that her kids do the same thing. That made me feel better. Even Naruto's reaction to being in trouble is normal. She told me that she used to write her mom hate notes after getting in trouble. I wasn't allowed to do that. I would get into more trouble if I had squeaked.
Life here is complicated. There is no money to do anything, not even buy more bubbles after Elmo decided that he needed an entire bottle in his bath, not what was put in. If we run out of milk, we are screwed. They won't drink the powdered milk or the evaporated milk. I'm just keeping the faith and trusting in Hashem. He has always come through for me. It is just so hard at times.
Naruto is still up. He is moving in his room. He will be in his bed until I allow him up. I have enough sleep to survive. I should be doing something productive instead of sitting behind the computer. I have to get Naruto some clean shorts for tomorrow. He's got some but I don't like them. Older stuff but they will do in a pinch.
Now it's almost 0200. The entire house is up. Naruto is roaming the house in the middle of the night. He's had six hours of sleep, plus or minus. Elmo is on the couch. I'm up to make sure that Naruto stays in bed. I went to bed early, missing Full Metal Alchemist, but if I'm sleeping in my chair, then it's bedtime. If Naruto would slow down, he'd be asleep with the help of benedryl that I gave him. I hate using it to help him sleep but he's not relaxing, then he won't sleep.
I got some more packing done today. I brought another milk carton home from bro's house and so I added it to one of the stacks. Naruto had peeled off the hot glue that had been keeping it together so I had to put it all back together. I packed two boxes of cereal, two boxes of noodles, instant foods...where on earth did I get so much food? I know, WIC and the food commodities.
When are my checks coming in? The SSA dude from Muskogee called me last Tuesday and said that Naruto's check should be on its way. Ten days later, I have no check. I have no money. I took care of the unemployment problem on Tuesday. I hope to have a check in my hand today. It's not as big as the SSA one but in a house where we have exactly $2 and some change, it will be a big help. Now I can pay the boys' life insurance. How much longer do I have until the policies are bought? I think that I've had them both four years; they are mine/boys' after ten years. It sucks being poor. It sucks raw eggs, but I have the boys. They drive me nuts, but still, I have my boys.
I got to talk to BF today about everything. She said that Elmo's mental age is finally starting to mimic a 2 year old. She also said that since I didn't have a normal childhood in a safe environment that I honestly do not know how a 2 year old is supposed to act. I guess she's right in a way. My parents are not normal. I couldn't pitch fits. I couldn't argue. I had to be quiet. I spent my entire childhood avoiding the beatings and reading. I guess that is why I retreated into books and was an avid reader. She said that her kids do the same thing. That made me feel better. Even Naruto's reaction to being in trouble is normal. She told me that she used to write her mom hate notes after getting in trouble. I wasn't allowed to do that. I would get into more trouble if I had squeaked.
Life here is complicated. There is no money to do anything, not even buy more bubbles after Elmo decided that he needed an entire bottle in his bath, not what was put in. If we run out of milk, we are screwed. They won't drink the powdered milk or the evaporated milk. I'm just keeping the faith and trusting in Hashem. He has always come through for me. It is just so hard at times.
Naruto is still up. He is moving in his room. He will be in his bed until I allow him up. I have enough sleep to survive. I should be doing something productive instead of sitting behind the computer. I have to get Naruto some clean shorts for tomorrow. He's got some but I don't like them. Older stuff but they will do in a pinch.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Catching Up
Well, it's been a time. I spent the past weekend and Monday at my bro's house. SIL drove me mad. Aharon didn't help either. On Sunday, the kids all took naps. She was doing the laundry. Bro and I were outside, taking care of stuff that he had been putting off for some time. She can't help him...more like won't help him. I went in a couple of times. One time, she was sprawled on the bed, talking on her phone. The next time, she was sound asleep. Bro said that he got a lot done but not all of what he was hoping to get done. They had an argument as SIL was sweeping the floor where Elmo had spilt some really sweet (made me sick) Koolaid. They went off to argue so I finished the sweeping and then the mopping. I had gotten very little sleep. So around midnight/0100, I went to bed. Bro was going to the store to get some stuff done and drop things off at the inlaws house. SIL decided that she just HAD to put up the clothes that could have been done earlier. I had to cover my face with a pillow so I could sleep. Naruto was horrible.
Prodigy is going to help get me the help I needed by stretching what the state will allow. The state allows them to have "time in counseling without patient" since how my moods/feelings affect me and in essence will affect them. They will do things like piggyback doctor appointments with the Naruto's. I was told today that Elmo needs medical help for his constant motion and his fighting with Naruto. He's perfect one-on-one, but toss Naruto into the mix, WW3 erupts. Same with Naruto. I got some meds to help me. Naruto had some meds changed. Let's hope they work.
SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to call an IEP meeting to have the boys riding the Handicapped bus written into their IEPs. "Understand that their disabilities are not bad enough to warrant them riding the H bus until they graduate." Well, once I can get Elmo over this fear of his, then maybe I can take him to school myself. It might take two years. It might take one year. It might take two months. There is no telling. I'm so excited as well. No kids for the day. I can get stuff done.
CPS came out on Tuesday and told me that they will probably close next month. Fine with me. They are not going to terminate DAD's rights to the kids since I have custody. That isn't what I want/need/desire. Well, I want him dead. He gave me two good things in my life: Naruto and Elmo, complete with problems. He won't even show up if he does what he did the last two times we were in court. I don't even know if he knows when it will be. But the kids will be totally mine.
I have to get up when the alarm goes off. I got more to say, especially about my lazy SIL. I love her but man, she uses Bro. I told Bro that it would be a while before I go back. I can't do it all when she's doing nothing. I got a short nap after getting very little sleep on Saturday. I hope he understands that this is about her, not him. I love them both, but I can't be a slave to SIL when I'm not a slave to Elmo and Naruto.
Prodigy is going to help get me the help I needed by stretching what the state will allow. The state allows them to have "time in counseling without patient" since how my moods/feelings affect me and in essence will affect them. They will do things like piggyback doctor appointments with the Naruto's. I was told today that Elmo needs medical help for his constant motion and his fighting with Naruto. He's perfect one-on-one, but toss Naruto into the mix, WW3 erupts. Same with Naruto. I got some meds to help me. Naruto had some meds changed. Let's hope they work.
SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to call an IEP meeting to have the boys riding the Handicapped bus written into their IEPs. "Understand that their disabilities are not bad enough to warrant them riding the H bus until they graduate." Well, once I can get Elmo over this fear of his, then maybe I can take him to school myself. It might take two years. It might take one year. It might take two months. There is no telling. I'm so excited as well. No kids for the day. I can get stuff done.
CPS came out on Tuesday and told me that they will probably close next month. Fine with me. They are not going to terminate DAD's rights to the kids since I have custody. That isn't what I want/need/desire. Well, I want him dead. He gave me two good things in my life: Naruto and Elmo, complete with problems. He won't even show up if he does what he did the last two times we were in court. I don't even know if he knows when it will be. But the kids will be totally mine.
I have to get up when the alarm goes off. I got more to say, especially about my lazy SIL. I love her but man, she uses Bro. I told Bro that it would be a while before I go back. I can't do it all when she's doing nothing. I got a short nap after getting very little sleep on Saturday. I hope he understands that this is about her, not him. I love them both, but I can't be a slave to SIL when I'm not a slave to Elmo and Naruto.
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